Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.


Mentally, this isn't a good place.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

A week long absence from Sparkpeople, and I'm currently in a really bad place mentally.

I've spent this past week trying to right a paper (apparently not too hard, seeing as I still don't have a workable topic) for my Nursing Philosophy class, which I'm really not to fond of to start with. I don't think this paper is supposed to be too hard, but I am finding it nearly impossible.

Not helping the situation was the release of "Memoirs Of A Monster Hunter" by Josh Gates. Seriously, the man was an insperation to me before, and now ranks closer to being a god. If I could make it work as a legitamate profession, I would love to be a Cryptozoologist. But that isn't the point here, it's that Gates made me realize how little "living" I've actually done. I may only be 19, but I have accomplished and seen incredibly little.

This then flustered me to the point that I realized I've spent the past year and a bit studing nursing, a career that I have no idea if I want to do for the rest of my life. I wanted to be a teacher my whole life, until I was given the oppertunity to teach dance classes and realized the I'm not very good at it. This experiance happened to coencide with applying to University. I was completly against doing an extra year of high school, and decided to apply to nursing.

I grew up around nurses. My aunt is an RPN and my mom is a PSW. They often worked together at a nursing home, and I spent a lot of time there volunteering. I honestly do have a passion for health, so I choose nursing and *BAM* here I am today.

But now, I'm not so sure. Do I really want to pursue nursing if I dread going to my placement each week?

At one point this week, I grabbed my iPod and went for a walk. Along the way, the song "Reflection" from the movie Mulan came on. If you've never heard the song, here's the lyrics in a nutshell:

Look at me
I will never pass for a perfect bride
Or a perfect daughter
Can it be
I'm not meant to play this part?
Now I see
That if I were truly to be myself
I would break my family's heart

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight right at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don't know?
Somehow I cannot hide
Who I am
Though I've tried
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

Okay, woah. Now I'm pissed and confused, because this is the exact mind trip I've been having all week.

And now, I sit here writing this, still confused. I tried talking to my roommate, which got me nowhere and somehow turned into a discussion about going to a club with her tonight. I tried talking to my mom, which resulted in me feeling guilty about everything.

So, if you somehow managed to read through all of this, I thank you for putting up with my ramblings. Seriously, this has just been one of those weeks that I wish I could shut my brain off. But now, I need to get back to this paper (why can't i find a topic!). Please, if anyone has anywords of wisdom or advice, a comment would be lovely. My head is spinning.

Much Love, Samantha
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post

    Be the First to Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.