Get ready for some rambling...
As a teenager I hated my body, though I was fit I always viewed myself as fat because I as a teen I was tall with womanly curves and it may be the Indian in me but I put on 'bulky' muscle relatively easy, I felt like an Amazonian Women! Not tiny and pretty like the other girls, which is what I desired. If only I had known what a blessing this body type was/is. Yet, I spent my early twenties looking up to 'thinspos' and attempting anorexia, which looking back is insane because I did have an eating disorder, binge eating but never purging. I maintained a 'healthy' weight for the most part until I became pregnant which I took as a free for all, sadly, I gained a lot of weight and lost more muscle than Id like to admit. After having my daughter I lost the first 20 lbs through starvation, breastfeeding, and daily walks. When I did try to workout I only brought myself injuries. Then I found sparkpeople which brought out the athlete in me, I focused on calories in, calories out and lost an additional 30 lbs along with gaining back a significant amount of muscle.
Which is where I am at today, in the right frame of mind. Where my body is as strong as my mind will allow it to be. Where I STFU and just do it, then do it again! I view strong as beautiful, I am developing definition in my legs, my arms, my stomach and I fkn LOVE IT! I've lost the weight I set out to lose and now I am ready for the next stage of fitness *squeeeeee* I am giving myself permission to no longer focus on the scale to determine my progress but my strength, my speed, and my endurance. I sound like a damn athlete again!
Yesterday I graduated from my 9 lbs dumbbells to a 15 lbs set!!! Im a fkn animal!
I have a love for Bikram Yoga, Swimming laps, running 3-5k, Treading water for 30+ min, Jump Rope, Kick boxing, Core floor workouts, p90x, killing my legs with 100+ lunges, squats, lifting weights til I feel like crying or throwing up... and I do all this while being a mommy. Cali got her first set of 1 lbs weights and yes, she loves to work out right along with me everyday :] I also fuel my body in the ways it deserves, no Hot Dogs for this Amazonian Women!
Last night I began to think 'what are you getting yourself into, Siena?' Not why, just what? My fitness tumblr is filled with crossfit fitspirations.... but what on earth is crossfit? So I looked it up, and Im still a bit confused but pretty much its exactly what Ive been doing... it's also and this shocked me "CrossFit is the principal strength and conditioning program for many police academies and tactical operations teams, military special operations units, champion martial artists, and hundreds of other elite and professional athletes worldwide."
Well that's intimidating isn't it? It also sounds like a challenge to me, and this girl loves a good challenge!