Friday, October 14, 2011
It has been a long couple of months. A year ago I was 3 weeks away from my wedding and I wasn't nearly as "skinny" as I wanted to be for a bride (far away from goal weight) but I knew I felt good in my dress and felt beautiful. A year later I feel FAT! Almost gross. I've gained everything I lost and more back and I'm heavier than I have ever been. I look in the mirror and most days I want to cry. But today as i looked down and the scale and was about to do my usually "I don't even want to know" something in my head said no FACE IT! And I did. The number was bad, I mean real back, but for some reason I looked down at it and said it could be worse. And from this point on it will never get worse because I ended my downward spiral by facing that horrible number.
When I got off the scale I looked into the mirror and had my first of what I'm sure will be many pep talks along this final journey. I told myself to things. 1. YOU ARE WORTH THIS FIGHT. and 2. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN FIX THIS PROBLEM. No tears were shed just a determination that took over in my heart. It's a determination that at this point is going to have to work on controlling my actions one day, probably one decision at a time, but I am doing my best to be focused on the prize.
I know what the final prize is - be about 35 lbs lighter and fit in clothes that have been in boxes for years but didn't part with yet. But that prize is way to big to not feel overwhelmed so my first prize is to feel in control. I have a week to get myself back under control. I know how good I feel when I'm eating the right things and exercising. I want that to be my first reward. That extra energy you feel from eating healthy foods and the thrill of empowerment after a good workout. Next Friday morning no matter what the scale says (and trust me I hope that number is even slightly smaller than today's) I want to feel like yes you took control of your life and I am on my way.
Not sure if anyone is going to read this but for me it was saying out loud to a forum of people that understand what I'm going through and are living the same struggles or have overcome what I am working on and can support me a long the way. This is by far the hardest battle that some people fight but I'm in it to win it this time.
Happy Friday to any followers I may gain and to all my fellow solders in the weight loss battle of our lives - Good luck, keep your chin up and my new slogan to my path thanks to Dory in Finding Nemo "Just keep Swimming, Just keep Swimming..."