Wednesday, October 12, 2011
When I eat a HUGE double chocolate brownie 2-4 hours before heading out for a run, I can knock out 9 miles like my arse is on fire. In fact - that's exactly what I did yesterday. I stayed within my calorie range for everything else I ate during the day and then proceeded to consume almost every calorie I was going to burn in ooey-gooey chocolatey goodness.
This is the problem with training. This is also the reason the scale hasn't moved in weeks. I know it, the scale knows it - but here and now is when I let you in on my dirty little secret. I'm allowing myself to over-fuel because it feels like as long as I'm not gaining, I'm getting away with it. But it has to stop!
I know I haven't been around for a while. Life has been happening, but my plateau has brought about an avoidance of blogging (though I still read yours and creep all your Spark pages frequently!) I'm definitely one of those people that feels as though if I have nothing positive to say or no life lesson to impart, then there's no point running my mouth about the lack of success I've been having lately. But the "No Boring Blogs" rule has perhaps allowed me a little too much slack and freedom and maybe I just need to buck up and get accountable again - or if not that, just vent a little about the frustrations I'm feeling over being hungry all the time and being able to do little about it...but eat.
So back to the chocolate brownie. It seriously is THE BEST fuel I have found for my long runs. And so how can I deny myself that little piece of decadence before setting out to tackle impossible distance after impossible distance? Tell me a year ago that today I'd be a person who could run 9+ miles and I'd slap you silly. But it's true. I can do it. And if eating the brownie before hand gives me the positive brain power and bodily energy (aka sugar rush) to believe that I can do it, then so be it.
But it's not helping the scale. And neither is pigging out the day AFTER the long run because my body is still burning at an elevated rate and I'm hungry like hippo for the majority of the day. And neither is skipping my swim night because I just don't have it in me only to come home and eat MORE food (which I just made myself track every single stinkin' ounce of).
This week is particularly bad. Because I just celebrated Thanksgiving over the weekend I have a fridge full of delicious leftovers - which for the most part are healthy - turkey, squash, cauliflower, potatoes. But with the healthy leftovers also comes the cakes, cookies and pies that I NEVER have in my house. I wake up in the morning and walk directly to the chocolate cupcakes and eat two before I can even wipe the sleep out of my eyes. That is INSANE. But that's what I've been doing. Thankfully, I consumed the last of the chocolate this morning. One less thing to worry about. But the pies are still there. I even tried to get rid of most of it at a work meeting on Monday. Still came home with over half of it left. I could throw it out. I could. Why can't I just throw it out?
So I'm struggling. Big time. But the good news is that I'm running my butt off and my training is progressing nicely. I can already run a 15K and my race isn't for another 3 weeks, so I'm going to keep training for a half marathon distance until there's snow on the ground. So at least there's that. I'm not just eating. There is major calorie burn happening as well - but only enough to take care of the extra 'narf sessions shoving pastries in my pie hole as I'm leaning over the sink. Sexy. It happens to the best of us I suppose.
I'm not one to throw excuses at bad behaviour (who am I joking, of course I am) but I did just go back on the pill and my hormones are likely messed up and causing some of this crazy hunger/eating. And there's the running. And then there's just life which someone makes me want to binge every day just for living it. Things are ok - but they're JUST ok, and I'm only capable of making change happen as fast as it will happen...which right now is really darn slow.
I really shouldn't have skipped my swim tonight. But at least I'm here writing again in lieu of the exercise. And I'll do something active tomorrow on my regular day off to make up for it.
My mantra has always been "As long as you're doing everything right, the weight will come off." I just need to get back to doing everything right again.
I might still keep the chocolate brownie fuel for my long-run days, but that leaves six other days of the week to make up the difference. I need to kick the sugar to the curb, refresh my system with whole foods and tons of fruits and veggies, and start fueling my body the way I should be and the way that I KNOW feels better than what I'm doing now. No more being tired all the time, no more sugar highs and sugar lows, no more being lazy about getting the proper nutrients to make sure that I'm NOT hungry all the time. My body has been running on economy grade long enough. Time to give it the high test and then let it perform to the max.
It's time to feel better (cause I'm tired of feeling crappy) and it's up to me to make that happen. Time to taste the difference between just "food" and real, solid, delicious, and good-for-you FUEL.