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    JILL313   113,904
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I'm in a Rut and Really Disappointed in Myself

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Until about a month ago I was making WL progress and losing weight at a slow steady pace and then I somehow seemed to lose my enthusiasm even though I was still Sparking like mad and I continued to encourage others to do what I haven't been able to do for myself--eat within my calorie range and exercise more. I usually do eat Healthy but just too much of it! I'm given 1200-1550 calories a day and most days I eat at the upper range or go over it. I'm mainly doing chair marching for my exercise and I know it's better than nothing but it doesn't burn too many calories away. I need to find more cardio and strength training exercises that I enjoy and do them. I will be checking out some new exercise videos on some Team Pages to find something I will and can do on a regular basis.

Until about a month ago I had a great Accountable Buddy and she really helped me focus and "keep on my toes" and I was staying within my calorie range so I was losing weight then. I haven't lost a pound in about a month and it's because I eat too much. I'm doing myself a disservice as I'd feel so much better with less weight on my aching knees and back. My Dr. even told me that losing a significant amount of weight was the best single thing I could do for myself as it would ease up the knee & back pain I deal with daily. I want to be more mobile and be able to really live life again but it seems I'm my own worse enemy.

I was dealing with some sad family news yesterday and you know how I chose to deal with it? I made a batch of homemade Snickerdoodle cookies to drown my sadness. It was a Spark recipe with only 50 calories a cookie but the cookies with that amount of calories must have been quarter size--and mine were about the size of a small saucer! I must have plowed through a half dozen of those cookies and of coarse when I weighed myself this morning I had gained a pound and it kind of shook me up as I know I'll never lose any weight with that "don't care" mentality. We are only given one Life here on Earth and why can't I make it a healthy and good one for myself. I feel I not only am hurting myself but all the people who love me and want me around for a long time.

I am always inspired and encouraged when I read those great success stories and I want that for myself. The choice is up to me. I know no one can do this for me but me. So, this morning I went searching for my Spark book and it's time for me to re-read it and get on the right Track again. Just reading this wonderful book has really helped me in the past set doable goals and give me back my Spark again.

I am in the Fall 5% Challenge and I'm going to make just losing 5% of my weight in a couple of months my biggest goal. For me that means losing 13#s and with the right mental attitude and all the tools on Spark and with a new commitment and all my wonderful supportive friends I know I can do it! I know what to do thanks to Spark now the ball is in my court and I've got to pick it up and run, well maybe jog, with it!!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DINIE123 12/27/2012 12:54PM

  Wow, you got some great feed back from this blog. It could be me writing this, It is so simple to understand in the brain intellectually, but emotions seem to override any amount of common sense that exists in my brain. I love snickerdoodles too, so I just don't make them. Nothing like a fresh hot cookie right out of the oven. O.K., so I don't bake them, that does not keep me from getting something at the store, like a fat doughnut while I am shopping. This is needed of course to give me the nergy to do the shopping. You mentioned having a buddy and lost her for some reason. I would love to have a buddy in this program to bounce ideas off of and vent frustrations and even celebrate victories. I am from Ca, San Diego, but now live in Arizona and love it. I am 70 yo, love to read, make cards, scrapbook, write, cook, crossstitch, walk, do chair exercises. I love people and do some volunteer work that I redally enjoy. I think 2013 is going to be a successful year, so I am getting organized to start my healthy eating and exercise plan. Let me know if you want a buddy, I understand if you do not. Have a great day, Diane emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KIMMIE124 12/6/2011 9:47AM

    Can you try to find something, anything, that can interrupt the eating binge? I find that if I can break away from it, I get time to re-evaluate what I'm doing, then it doesn't taste so good. Maybe you could have someone call you on the phone, set an alarm clock to go off, or be distracted by something going on in the other room or outside. All you might need is a few minutes to step outside the experience and look at it differently. Be picky, because your health is worth it. You are worth having an active life in the future. I know that it is a slow process, so we have to think long-range. We can do this! emoticon

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JOANOFSPARK 10/24/2011 12:07PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon sorry about the double post......I didn't think it posted.....but just keep on hanging in there, Jill...................WE CAN DO THIS.......!!! emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/24/2011 12:13:37 PM

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JOANOFSPARK 10/24/2011 12:05PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon I know you can do it.......just have faith in yourself......and keep on taking each day and each moment.....that's all we can do....I have been off line myself for about a month or so.......first for vacation, but then when I got back, I had a major meltdown......not just because of family crises but because I have been so frustrated with myself and I suppose also a letdown after such a great vacation, but I am back and ready to start taking it one step at a time and each moment as it happens..........WE CAN DO THIS.......!!!

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COMPUCATHY 10/23/2011 10:41AM

    It's the old "we know what to do...now we need to do what we know." You know? You can do it. You've had success. You know how much fun it is to succeed. Just eat in range and do your activity and work on the mental game. Those three things will get you going and start the ball rolling in the right direction. Keep up the good work! Thanks for your encouragement! Spark on! emoticon

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PATTYCAKE17 10/22/2011 10:18AM

    Just writing your blog is such a cleansing action. You CAN and you WILL achieve your goal! You have it within you, one day at a time. I'm refocusing also, and have changed my food plan,AGAIN,lol, and am working with less WW points than I'm allowed. I CAN and I WILL get off this plateau, so help me, God! emoticon emoticon
God bless you in your efforts! emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/22/2011 10:23:56 AM

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SHARON10002 10/20/2011 9:06PM

    "I shall shape my future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me. Or I can be lost in the maze. My choice. My responsibility. Win or lose - only I hold the key to my destiny". –Anonymous

It is your choice in every moment to go forward or fall backward. Yes, you made the choice to bake and eat the cookies, but the very next thing you choose to put in your mouth is once again, your choice.

Once you can begin losing the weight again, it will make you feel better about yourself, and once you do that, you'll begin to make better choices. The past is over and done, Each minute is a clean slate on which to begin. You can tear up and throw the previous page away, and begin a new vision. emoticon

Why not run off a copy of my Motivation+Weight Loss = Goal blog and post it on your fridge, or somewhere where you have ready access to it everyday? I holds many keys to our success, mine included. It's my new blueprint.

Comment edited on: 10/20/2011 9:09:45 PM

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WENDYJM4 10/16/2011 7:41AM

    Hi Jill, we are only human and right from birth we have things put in our months. Think how you treat your grandson and this is how we were brought up, cry and we will receive food or milk. Something bad happen and then we want to put food in our mouths again. It is a very hard place to be but it is comfort eating and I don't know how we can stop it all the time. I think we do have to weaken sometimes when things do get too bad.
Don't beat yourself up, just accept that it happened and keep positive to lose your 5 % of weight. Good luck, I have faith in you.
Wendy

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JINLYNN 10/15/2011 2:20PM

    I try to look at my weight loss journey like the stock market in reverse. The market slowly goes up and down on an upward line graph - my weight loss is slowly going down and up on a downward line. I know that I will not be 'perfect' every day, but I am certainly making progress from where I started. And so are you. You are hanging in there - and that is a huge accomplishment. You may be knocked down, but you are not knocked out! Being able to be honest and transparent in your sharing is a real strength. Keep pressing on and you will reach your goals. I believe in you - believe in yourself.

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MATEYMATE1 10/13/2011 1:59AM

    You have overcome the biggest hurdle that is putting it in writing what you are feeling. We can all give you words of encouragement however, unless YOU want it to happen it will not. Don't waste this wonderful start and take little bites of the cherry. Small goals towards the big one.
I only had 16kg to loose but it took me 2yrs to do it. The last few kg's was hard to move so my daughter wrapped 7 presents up in plain paper and sent them to me. The note said I had to loose 200grams and keep it off for 1 week and I can open present 1 as a reward. Well I have all presents opened now and have reached my goal weight thanks to her. The presents was only small things like rose talc, hand cream, hair treatment, comb, bath glove. All very useful.
You hang in there girl because hey, you are worth it.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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OZARKMARY 10/12/2011 8:54PM

    Oh my dear Friend, I have no miraculous ideas or cures. Just NEVER give up on yourself. WE/ emoticon Lots of water and potty calls will get that pound off. btw Have any of those cookies left? emoticon Just kidding. I am so excited and so looking forward to seeing MM and meeting You! lol I will cusoon!

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SLIMTHICK2 10/12/2011 6:57PM

    I understand what you're going through, I've been struggling myself but I'm not giving up. I will press on and I know you will too, we will win this battle. Keep fighting friend all the best to you. emoticon

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RFJSJ50 10/12/2011 10:28AM

    Our stories are so similar! I do well and then go off track - in a major way. I went so far as to close my Spark account and give up. Something inside me wouldn't let me do that so I'm back again with a new account and a new name (I was JAKEANDNELLIE). I was so discouraged with my lack of progress and weight gain that when I was criticized by another member for team issue I couldn't deal with it. BUT Spark is where I (we) need to be for the friendship, motivation, encouragement, and motivation. I really need the trackers to keep myself accountable, even when I'm not making the best choices.
We will do this, always taking those two steps forward, no matter how many we take in the other direction! We are strong women with a vision of the life we want for ourselves. We will never stop working to reach it.
Sheila

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CTUPTON 10/12/2011 8:36AM

    Jill, I am great giving advice, too! You are a wonderful person! You help so many of us!

I don't know exactly what to tell you. What is your strongest reason for losing weight?

Maybe blog about that. I hope that helps you! Can you find a new Accountability buddy---FAST!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon and more emoticon


chris

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DILLONNAN 10/12/2011 7:15AM

    I know what you're feeling. I'm going through it too.

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SUSIEPH1 10/12/2011 12:36AM

    Hey sweetie .!! don't beat yourself up!
that was yesterday!! and I hope you really enjoyed those cookies??? Because you won't be having them again for a while !!.Make tomorrow the first day of a new start try to plan your meals and make sure they come in at the lower range of your calories .... by doing this you have room to have a treat or two but not every day.
We are all human my love, and this is a really hard decision to make, but it will pay off in the long run it just takes time...
Hope this helps Love and Hugs Susie
emoticon emoticon

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GRYPHON55 10/12/2011 12:07AM

    I hope you can get through this rough period and keep going. My sister was told to lose weight for her health (multiple health issues, on oxygen and diabetic). After losing 80 pounds, she is no longer on oxygen and not diabetic. So losing weight can really help you, there's inspiration for you!

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CJMOK1121 10/11/2011 10:40PM

    Jill: I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I have been in this mess for the past 3or 4 weeks. I have even dropped out of the team and almost deleted my page. I have decided to read more of my spark book and focus on getting back on track and keeping my mind on my exercise and not so much on challenges and teams. I miss all of you and I hope you can overcome all the down side.

YOUR SP FRIEND: CJ from OK.

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RGEETING 10/11/2011 10:26PM

    Thanks for sharing and being transparent... SP is a great "safe place" where many of us are able to be honest about the struggles on our journeys. Just reading all the comments on this post shows how many are there for you! You may have lost your other accountability partner, but it looks like you have gained many more!

Sorry about your sad family news... I'm working on having a plan for times like that... so that ahead of time I know what I'm going to do instead of eat...

I do understand your "don't care" mentality that hit you that day... I was there in August... I was still recovering from shingles, on a 2 week business trip that was made harder because I wasn't feeling well yet, and didn't have easy access to internet, so tracking was difficult and I didn't have the daily encouragement from SP friends... By the end of the 2 weeks, I remember feeling that "don't care" attitude about what I put in my mouth since I couldn't track it on SP, I couldn't measure and have easy access to determine the calories of the prepared meals (tho' I realized that I ate less at meals, but more on the snack level).

I'm realizing that it's hard enough to lose the weight the first time, I don't EVEN want to have to lose EVEN a pound a second time! :-) I'm finding that it is helpful motivation! :-)
emoticon You're right - it's ultimately up to us! Here's to a fresh new day - (according to Anne Shirley of Green Gables or was it her teacher who said it? ) with no mistakes in it yet.
Roxie emoticon

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THISISIT-PA 10/11/2011 9:38PM

    I love the chair dancing videos. I have 3 but I want more! Have you ever tried water walking/aerobics? They're my favorite exercise.

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SPEEDY143 10/11/2011 9:35PM

    Even the best cheerleader can lose her pom poms now and a again emoticon so let us "Cheer" emoticon YOU back on emoticon your Spark journey emoticon You know the drill... you want to succeed... you have the tools and we are here for YOU emoticon

I'm an emotional eater and it sounds like you are too. I have to remind myself everyday to love myself more than food and in order to do that I have to address why I want to over eat and its usually because I haven't had enough protein so I'm craving sweets/carbs which only make me unhappy with myself if I cave. A vicious circle that gets me no where. Try upping your protein and keep the hungries at bay with lots of water. The more weight you lose the more you'll be able to move. It's not going to come off like it did when we were younger. Don't set yourself up for failure by making your WL goal to high... I learned that the hard way. Half a pound a week is doable. And when you lose a whole pound or nothing one week you are still on track instead of getting discouraged as the weeks pass and you start to gain. emoticon sweetie.

emoticon Linda

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ICANDOTHISJEN 10/11/2011 8:23PM

    emoticon emoticon
I feel you. I am going through an emotional rollercoaster for the past week due to some bad news I received from distant family. So struggling with it and trying to keep my workout schedule has been so mind boggling. Your doing good and I'm glad you got your mojo back. Keep up the positive energy and you are capable of anything!!
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TXMEMAW6 10/11/2011 6:11PM

    Jill, I can so relate to what you're feeling right now. I have been there so many times. A year ago I was 50 pounds lighter than I am right now. I was on a really good diet, exercising every day, and losing weight. Then "life" happened. I got off the diet, quit exercising, and the weight came right back on. I realized that no one can lose the weight for me and no one can make me do it. I'm back to Sparking, and so far the weight is coming off again. Slowly, but it is coming off. So, my friend, don't give up. Take a deep breath and realize that you can eat right, you can get in some exercise, and you can lose the weight. I have faith in you and you need to have faith in yourself. Remember that we all get down on ourselves from time to time, but with good friends to help and support you, you can and will do it!
Hugs to you,
Sharon

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TORTILLAFLATS 10/11/2011 4:25PM

    Jill, you can do this!!!!! I know how you feel as we have all been there. I think that rereading The Spark is a great start back to where you want to be. Remember just one pound. I will be excited to see your progress this week. Sending you strong will to eat what is right. We can do it together.
Love ya, Gail

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MASTERPIECE8 10/11/2011 4:10PM

    I have so much faith in you, Jill. Like several have mentioned here - it's time for you to take care of yourself. Put yourself first. That isn't you though; is it? It has to be in order for you to 'get fit, get healthy.'

I think if you focus on healthy foods, portion control, and getting in some exercise everything else (i.e. weight loss) will fall into place. Sometimes all I can think of is that darn scale! I hate that thing. But it takes time and I have to accept losing in small amounts. So things are starting to 'shape up' (I love that term) for me, and they will for you too.

Come on, Jill, join us and do this for yourself. Your such a loving, giving person - now love yourself. You can do this. We're all here working on it with you my friend.

This was a wonderful blog. Straight from the heart, like all of your words are.

Barb

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SUSHIMAMA1 10/11/2011 3:20PM

    emoticon

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BETHV10 10/11/2011 2:07PM

    Jill, you are not alone! I had some considerable success until I had several serious family problems come up and I chose to not be as careful in my eating and stopped exercising. I know it is up to me as well. I wish you the best as I know it isn't easy.
We just have to keep trying until we can make it happen. At least you are not giving up as I have done in the past. You are still on SparkPeople. So, at least that is a positive for you! emoticon

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DARLENECASEY 10/11/2011 12:45PM

    Jill I don't have any great advice, but just know you are loved by all of us, me especially.You know how down I have been about myself.Just hang in there.
Love You Bunches Dear Friend
Darlene

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ESILBO 10/11/2011 11:58AM

    HI JILL, I KNOW THE FEELING BUT THE ONLY THING TO DO IS FOR YOU TO DO IT...
I AGREE WITH KAREN THAT PUTTING YOUR FOOD AND EXERCISE PROGRAM PUBLIC CAN HELP TOO...
FOR ME IS TAKING SPECIFIC GOALS FOR THE DAY LIKE, I WILL WALK 1000 STEPS TODAY, NOT I WILL TRY TO WALK TODAY...
I ALSO DID, THE FAT LOSER WHICH IS NOT FOR EVERYONE, I AGREE, BUT HE IS TRUE, WE GOT THERE, WE CAN GET OURSELVES OUT OF THERE...ONLY US CAN DO IT BY STOPPING DREAMING THAT WE CAN BE THIN BY MIRACLES...
I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY AND IF YOU NEED AN ACCOUNTABLE BUDDY, I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR ONE SINCE THE BEGINNING....
BUT I DON T GO EASY ON MYSELF, MAYBE THIS IS WHY I DON T HAVE ONE YET...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, I WANT THE BEST FOR YOU
LISE emoticon emoticon

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IOWAGRAMMA 10/11/2011 11:47AM

    Guilt saps your energy and is like glue...it just keeps you stuck where you are. So, yes, dear and sweet friend...we're happy you support us and give us all the encouragement that you do, but it is time to turn some of that toward yourself. An accountability buddy is a great way to do it, but truth be told, you really need to be honest with yourself, too. So, it all seems to keep coming back to you, doesn't it? That's not news for any of us, I think. I'm like Karen. I tend to track first--it's part of my planning for the day and helps me to know ahead of time if I want to change something. I know I always look to see where I am with my calories after I have lunch (and my lunch is generally very routine) and plug in what I'm planning for dinner. No calories left for a snack? Fine...I don't get one, or I adjust the amount of what I have for an earlier meal. It's kind of like managing your checking account--you don't wait to figure out if you have enough money to pay the bills after you've sent the check. LOL! Another thing that you might already do, but is so very helpful to me is to get a good set of measuring cups and a scale to weigh certain things. If you don't have them, get one...I love to measure my things out since I can't guess worth a darn. And, this may seem harsh to a lot of people but we don't have any deserts here--when you only get 1200-1550 (which is my range now, too), there just isn't room for deserts. I might plan something very small once or twice a week, but it is never when I have access to a whole pan or batch of anything, as that means I will eat the whole thing. I hope some day to get over that. Didn't mean to write a sermon here, but we all care too much about you to let you get down on yourself. Time to put those big girl panties on and get to work, Jill. I know you can and will do it, because you are the most important person to YOU!! Sending you tons of hugs and lots of love, Jeannie

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MS.ELENI 10/11/2011 10:37AM

    You have been so great to encourage me every day. I am still in a rut but you can do this. There are a lot of sitting exercises out there. I bet you have some Richard Simmons tapes. Everyone does. You can do those standing ones sitting in a chair for one thing. He also has a couple of sitting tapes that are good. And Jodi Stolove has many sitting tapes that are good.
here are some I use when I am being good.

Sit and Be Fit ( Stretching and Circulation)

Richard Simmons Chair exercises

Zookinesis (chair stretching and breathing.)


Jodi Stolove’s Chair Dancing Hand weights

Jodi Stolove’s Chair Dancing Seated aerobics

Later I will get you a list of actual names of tapes I have

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MADKAPKID 10/11/2011 10:33AM

    Jill, as you well know I have been right where you are. everyone here has given you some good things to think about. There isn't much I can add. I do think its important not to get too down on yourself as that keeps your thoughs in the negative. Shake those pesky thoughts off.

Its a new day! A new chance for YOU to start fresh and get yourself on track. Some days it will be harder than others to do..but, YOU can do it! I know you can. I will be sending happy , healthy hugz to you.....remember YOU can do anyting! Karen emoticon emoticon

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FLARETIREE 10/11/2011 10:21AM

    Oh Jill, I so understand. It's similar to what I was talking about a couple of weekends ago. And Snickerdoodles are my very favorite cookie...not the SparkRecipe, that's for sure. You hurt now because of your sad news and I'm sure that is making you "feel" this disappointment in yourself all the more. Karen had some great ideas. In fact, I did a copy/paste of them so I can save them. One more suggestion...if you can, get the SparkPeople Cookbook. I think that will help motivate you once more, along with the Spark book, and also give you some recipe ideas. You help keep my attitude positive with your posts and SparkGoodies and Comments, and you lift my feelings when I am down. Don't be too hard on yourself. You know what you need to do, so just put one foot in front of the other until you are back on the path you have been following so faithfully. And realize, with this blog today, you are inspiring others and helping them to get back to things that work for them.

Hugs and love,
Nancy

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CCCARTER3 10/11/2011 10:20AM

    Jill,Yes you can do this,forgive yourself and move forward.
You are doing good my going back to your SP book to help you get going again.
Yes like Karen said track everything.We are only human and sometimes we exspect to much out of ourself.
Take it one step at a time you will get there.
Hugs
CC

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VTMAID 10/11/2011 9:57AM

    Jill--I know you can do this thing! You just need a little jump start, we all do once in a while.
There are a couple of things I do which has helped a lot. One is to track everything I eat BEFORE I eat it. If I don't have enough calories left, that is usually enough to deter me from stuffing my face. The other is the dreaded E word. I hate to admit it, but it works. If chair marching is what you can do right now, then make sure you do it. If it is getting boring, increase the speed. Or find something else you can handle that you will be consistent doing.
About meals--isn't there a part of SP where there are sample meal plans? Why not try those for a bit? I think on your SP page you can also make your food diary visible to others. Kind of like me with the sticky notes on my doorframe--if you know others are watching it might help you be more accountable for what you eat. And...you could inspire someone else with your determination!
I have never heard of an Accountable Buddy? What is that--I am curious.
Take care, Jill.
Hugs
Karen

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