Monday, October 10, 2011
I felt like a big whiny baby earlier today because of all the back-tracking I've done on the fantastic progress I'd made. Yes, I injured my foot. But I didn't push myself to find some other form of exercise I would enjoy while I stayed off it. I had many excuses. I don't like to swim and the condo pool is tiny. I didn't want to go to the gym and lift weights. What's the point of doing crunches and push-ups at home? Blah blah blah. With no exercise, the stress and irritation had to go somewhere. Where did it go? In a bottle of wine. When I was doing cardio, I didn't want a glass of wine at night. Without cardio, I wanted two glasses every night to erase the day. Not to mention the debauchery of the weekends and consorting with unsavory characters with lots of bad habits of their own. So I undid all the progress I'd made. I let the foot injury totally derail me, and I immersed myself in unhealthy drinking, eating, and all-around laziness.
In the midst of feeling sorry for myself today for putting myself back to square one, I began catching up on blogs. I read some really terrific accounts of great progress, transformation, and stupendous achievements. You people are simply amazing. I feel so proud. And then I noticed my eyes tearing up. And my heart aching. I had missed so much. Everyone has come so far. And instead of sharing in the triumphs and perhaps having a few of my own, I let myself get sucked in to old habits and mind-twisting situations.
But there's not a damn thing I can do about the past months. I can do better from here on out. That's what I've got: what's ahead. I can whine about yesterday, or I can put my energy toward getting my fitness level back to where it was, and then continue progressing even further from there. Energy spent on whining is wasted energy. Energy spent lamenting mistakes of the past is wasted energy. I'm going to put my energy toward making better choices today, and every day from here on out. I will not let anything or anyone derail me. There may be setbacks, injuries, speed bumps, or even road blocks, but I will keep moving. And I am going to surround myself with positive people doing their very best to treat themselves well. It's contagious. Just like negativity. I choose positivity and happiness.
So after all my moping and self-recrimination, I laced up my shoes and went down to the river. I did 3.32 miles, walking only. I did C25k Saturday and Sunday, so I decided today I needed to walk and give my still tender foot a rest. Turns out I walked my three miles just a hair faster than I ran them yesterday. Go figure.
But I feel so impatient. I want to go farther. I want to go faster. I want my fitness level to be back where it was in January right now. But today, I made myself walk. And I'm not going to jump right back in and aggravate my injury. I'm making great progress. I can run again without hobbling around for two days after. I'm getting there. I felt good tonight. And tomorrow night I'll feel even better. I just keep telling myself to give it three months. In three months I'll have undone much of effects of the past months.
Patience, grasshopper. Patience. Patience and persistence. I'll get there.