Monday, October 10, 2011
So I didn't realize just how depressed I was until I had a moment to read my previous blogs - once my body gave into a horrible sinus infection, ear infection, and who knows what else. I'm on my second week of antibiotics combined with sinus rinses, and a few other medicines. I'm starting to feel a bit normal physically, and have been doing things like picking up sticks, walking in circles in the house, parking farther away, etc. just to get some extra movement in. My depression hit a low, and I of course, turned to food. I'm not really sure why I'm so depressed. Sure I've had a few setbacks with the car accident & stuff, but I'm still doing better (emotionally/financially/paren
ting) than ever in my life. And I FEEL LAZY. yeah, that's not good. Since I've only been doing little things here & there each day, it's helped a little, but not enough. So I NEED to follow my own instructions. I NEED to do a regular daily exercise routine. I know I can't do it early - because my hubby feels if I get up early, that means I have time to take care of the dog and whatever else needs to get done. He doesn't understand that the routine should stay the same because I only get up early for exercising. So I'm hoping I continue to get home earlier than him from work. I have to remember things like, my daughter has her own tv in her own room. She can do homework in there if she is distracted by my exercise routine in the living room. I have to put myself and my body first, or I'm no good to anyone else. I also need to log into the computer more to track my daily thoughts, ideas, food. I did download the app once more. I'm going to take over Dinners. Some might not be that good, but you know what, at least I know whats going into my body. And I learn quickly, so I will know what to do or not to do next time.
I made great decisions today with food so far, however I did do one thing wrong. I bought one of those raspberry cheese danishes (400 calories) because it was on sale and at the register when I was checking out. I DID NOT eat it. I want to throw it away, but the value is $1.25 and I feel stupid for buying it and tossing it when there are hungry people in this town/state/country/world. So do I toss it anyway to teach myself a lesson? Hold it for one of those more weak moments? Split it up into four sections, and only eat one? Pure sugar/fat/calories. Totally delicious. Maybe I'll ask a coworker if he wants it? if he doesn't, I will have to toss it. I can see my thought process right now..
I will control what goes in my mouth. I will control how often I exercise (daily), and I will get through this cold, through this depression, and onto better things. Today I am wearing tight pants. These pants remind me of where I was just a month ago (when they weren't as tight). They remind me to make better food choices. They remind me that I need to lose a lot more weight. They remind me it's my choice, and no one can do it for me. I would not have fit into these pants just six months ago, or a year ago. Actually almost 6 years... Well, I'm in them, and they are now tight, but I am in them. And I need to set new goals, new pants to fit into, new rewards to achieve.