Tuesday, October 04, 2011
10.04.2011 / 0041
Body: Ran this morning. It was a good one. Just taking it slowly with the body right now. Acknowledging that it is important, but learning it is not THE IMPORTANCE of my life.
Mind: Even writing this blog makes me anxious and guilty. I am going back and forth right now between being sure the break is what I need to feeling like a bad person for taking one. I know the ďenlightening meĒ is saying the break is what I need, and the needy scared girl inside is the one saying itís not. I know which one I need to listen to but I also know which one has been talking longer and more incessantly. Itís hard to make that transition over to a new voice and give it the authority that the old one has. But I know I have to if I want to truly love this person, and find inner peace, that ability to just be with life and existence and all its ups and downs and not always be grasping and needing something else to keep me going, to distract me. I want true freedom, not the illusion Iíve been envisioning as freedom.
Soul: Also in upheaval right now. Just holding on to the knowledge that this is just a rocky part of the road and that if I ride it out, and take the experience in, that I will get to a calmer place when itís time.