Saturday, October 01, 2011
This has been a difficult month for me. My mother passed away. On top of that my therapist decided to go private and my clinic have not found anyone to replace her yet. I am trying to be strong and take one day at a time.
I have been diligent with my fitness routine, I am doing at least 30 minutes of cardio everyday and I recently joined the YMCA. I feel very excited about my workout program. I am very happy with my decision. I now look at working out as something fun. I am starting to enjoy the pain one gets from a good workout. I have been a bit careless about my nutrition, though. The days that I overeat are becoming more and more often. Thus, I need to pay more attention to it. This will be one of my goals for this month, be as diligent with my food tracking as I am with my workouts.
My other goal is to fight the feeling of wanting to isolate myself from others. Whenever I feel that depression is taking the best of me I tend to hide myself from the world, then wallow in self pity, start hating myself for doing nothing and start wishing that I had the courage to kill myself. In the past years, the depression has taken my job, tons of my money, my energy, my self esteem, my trust. I can not allow myself to follow the same path again. I am not going to let myself fall in the cycle of self harm laziness and self hatred. So I am putting myself out there. I am going to let others, the world help me.