While many probably don't know, this year has been an incredible struggle for me in terms of work and my personal life. Because of the way I was treated at work and how it took over my life and carried into my personal life, I felt like everyone had turned their back on me. I'm willing to admit now that after a friend let me down, I gave up on everyone. Then I thought work started to get better and I had some personal problems come up and I slowly started letting people back in because I could not fix my issues alone and I needed people to remind I wasn't crazy and not to give up.
Progressing to July, my personal problem was resolved finally and I believed that I could become myself again. Drop the 30lbs I gained from becoming depressed, go back to working out, get a new job and all would be lovely. Well I still need to lose the 15lbs I've gained from this year, I still have the same job, but NOTHING else is the same!
Earlier this month I finally took that first step and hoped on my elliptical! It was hard, I didn't want to do it, I made tons of excuses, day after day. I thought the first day was the hardest, but is was the second week when I was tired, the third week when I had problems coming up that I had to deal with, and now the fourth week...the week it changed.
I've noticed that I don't despise the people at my work so much, I don't sit and cry at my desk all the time, I truly don't care when people complain to me about my boss, and I don't take work home with me. What's changed? ME!
I do the things I want, I workout in the mornings AND at night, I walk during lunch, take the stairs and meet my friend at my office while she takes the elevator, I drink water, watch my calories, sleep well and at night instead of all the time lol! For the first time, probably ever, I told a friend that I didn't want to go to lunch with them it was at 2 places I didn't like and are more money than I wanted to spend today, I was surprised at myself because I don't get to see him often. I've managed to ignore someone (that I should) even though I learned I hurt their feelings because what about what I feel!
Tonight I went to taekwondo, I have a promotion test in 2 weeks for my brown belt and we video tape ourselves so we can identify our own improvements. No, it wasn't great, but I know what to look for and I know what I want to change. I left class at 930 (class officially ends at 8 BTW) and I had so much FUN and I was happy when I left. It's the first time this year I've been able to say that:
I AM HAPPY and it feels good!