Wednesday, September 28, 2011
aaaahhhhhh 226.4 as of 9/26/11.
STUPID! WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF? YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO BE HAPPY. YOU DON'T DESERVE SOMEONE GREAT. YOU HAVE NO SELF CONTROL. YOU'RE FAT AND UGLY.
Wow, writing those things were really really hard, especially the last one...but those are things that go through my mind pretty much on a daily basis but particularly when I step on the nasty scale and see that ugly number. Why do we say these things to ourselves? I read them back and I cringe. I would never EVER say those types of things to someone I care about so why do I say them to myself?
It's time to stop. It's time to kick all of those thoughts to the curb. I not only want to be healthy physically, but I want to be healthy mentally and emotionally, and saying things like that to myself is DEFINITELY not healthy. So negative Nancy, I'm sorry but you're just not welcome in this beautiful brain of mine anymore.
I spent the last two weeks in Europe and it was AMAZING!! Future blog with pictures to come. But I had so many thoughts on the trip about how I didn't like a picture because I had a double chin or was constantly comparing myself to my skinny friends I was with. Those aren't really fun ways to spend your time while on vacation! I don't want to be that person anymore. I knew before going on the trip that I needed to make some changes when I got home because for the 3 weeks prior I'd been crazy sick and had been eating like crap and hadn't been to the gym. Yes that's right, 5 weeks of nasty food and no gym.
Anyways, I knew I needed to start with the basics again. Stop comparing what I can do now to what I could do in 2007 & 2008. I let ALOT of things slip these past couple of years. Basic things such as drinking water, eating fruits and veggies, doing workouts I enjoy, etc.
It's ok to only do one class a night at the gym versus two. What's not ok is forcing myself to do a cardio class followed by a ST class and maybe yoga because I should get in two ST classes that week. I need to do workouts that I enjoy and for the right reasons.
It's ok if I don't count calories as long as I am enjoying my food and eating in moderation. What's not ok is limiting myself to a certain number of calories when my body is telling me it wants more which ultimately end up in me binging. What's not ok is forcing myself to eat celery when I really want is a chocolate bar. I need to be better about listening to my body and what it wants without going overboard. Obviously I know that eating a candy bar for every meal is not healthy for me but a dessert a day is not the end of the world.
It's ok if I'm really tired and don't want to go to the gym. What's not ok is driving home from work and trying to talk myself into going to the gym even though if I closed my eyes while driving I could probably fall asleep. I need to remember that getting a sufficient amount of sleep is just as, if not more, important than working out.
I feel like these last few months of the year are really going to be good for me. I have been pretty MIA from Spark this summer but I'm committed once again. I need to blog, I need to get involved in some groups, and I need to keep up with the challenges.
More to come...someone actually wants me to work - hmph.