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breaking up really, really, REALLY sucks.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

well, last week was full of changes--some good, some not so much. in one week i got a new job (well, was offered one anyway) AND a new car. in the "not so much" category, my BEST friend (and significant other of 15 years--the bloke wearing the pope's miter on my sparkpage--he drew that cartoon of himself) and i have decided to call it "quits". talk about one of the most difficult things i've EVER had to do...and if you think that because it was "mutual" that made it easier, think again. i'm sick just thinking about it. and FOOD--what's that?! my diet over the weekend was LESS than stellar and certainly didn't offer enough nutritional value to eek out a run this past weekend let alone a strength training workout. ALL of this on the VERY eve of not only my birthday (this past sunday, 9/25) but his as well (October 1st--he'll be 40).

in the midst of all the hurt and sadness, it's hard not to feel all sorts of regrets--"i wish...", "i shoulda...", "if only..." on both our parts--not to mention the massive feelings of failure--talk about your mindf*cks and a half. this was my FIRST serious relationship and right now, it feels like i'll never love like this again. (or sadly, that i'll ever want to.) presently, i am trying NOT to get mired in the depression and numbness that we all know is par for the course when it comes to these types of life changing events. truth be told, in a lotta ways, i am MORE worried about him than me. i have a huge support network whereas his is much, MUCH smaller. he's currently estranged from his one sibling, most of his friends were mine before we got together and to top it all off, his parents, with whom we're both close, are now moving outta state. oh, he has a coupla close male friends but they never see each other--besides, i could be wrong but i don't think guys support each other in the same way we women do. to say i am worried about this terribly sensitive man is the understatement of the year.

SOOOO...in the meantime, i will go through the motions until it aches less and less. i hope to be able to salvage my friendship with him which in all honesty, i would miss more than ANYthing.


Life is relationships; the rest is just details. - Gary Smalley

p.s. i'm-a go now and see 'bout getting in a run....hmm...who would thunk it 2 months ago--ME--"getting in a run". someone PLEASE wake me when the pain stops.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sorry to hear about that. Keep taking good care of yourself. Time really does heal ... but it takes awhile before you'll really believe it! Hugs
    2336 days ago
    Give yourself some time, and just keep going. Wishing you all the best.
    2338 days ago
    Hang in there....time heals.... emoticon
    2338 days ago
    2339 days ago

    Be gentle with yourself, and hang in there. Oh, and happy birthday (you share a birthday with my youngest, who turned 21 on Sunday).
    2339 days ago
    I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. Just because something may be the right thing to do, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, or that you won't worry about each other. It's hard to give up something that you've spent so many years investing in and face the uncertainty of the future. I've been through something similar and come out changed on the other side. I wish I could see you and give you a huge hug--sending virtual ones your way.

    Congrats though on the new job offer and new car, very cute, by the way! I'm glad to see that you're working through some of the stress by exercising too, probably one of the best things you can do.

    Be kind to yourself right now. Love ya.
    2340 days ago
  • LAURIE9404
    At least the car is super cute! I really feel ya. Broke up with my BF but only after 3 years. I can't even imagine the sort of pain 15 years would bring. I too took a week of from everything but going for long(ish) walks with the dog. It'll get easier. Always does but for the mean-time, it hurts.
    Take care and do what you can to make yourself feel better. This is really a time of mourning.
    2340 days ago
    So sorry you are going through a tough time with the ending of your long time relationsship. Best wishes to you in this difficult time. emoticon
    2340 days ago
  • GETFIT1126
    This is rough, keep putting one foot in front of the other and take it one day at a time. It does get easier and somehow we make it through.
    2340 days ago
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