Tuesday, September 27, 2011
well, last week was full of changes--some good, some not so much. in one week i got a new job (well, was offered one anyway) AND a new car. in the "not so much" category, my BEST friend (and significant other of 15 years--the bloke wearing the pope's miter on my sparkpage--he drew that cartoon of himself) and i have decided to call it "quits". talk about one of the most difficult things i've EVER had to do...and if you think that because it was "mutual" that made it easier, think again. i'm sick just thinking about it. and FOOD--what's that?! my diet over the weekend was LESS than stellar and certainly didn't offer enough nutritional value to eek out a run this past weekend let alone a strength training workout. ALL of this on the VERY eve of not only my birthday (this past sunday, 9/25) but his as well (October 1st--he'll be 40).
in the midst of all the hurt and sadness, it's hard not to feel all sorts of regrets--"i wish...", "i shoulda...", "if only..." on both our parts--not to mention the massive feelings of failure--talk about your mindf*cks and a half. this was my FIRST serious relationship and right now, it feels like i'll never love like this again. (or sadly, that i'll ever want to.) presently, i am trying NOT to get mired in the depression and numbness that we all know is par for the course when it comes to these types of life changing events. truth be told, in a lotta ways, i am MORE worried about him than me. i have a huge support network whereas his is much, MUCH smaller. he's currently estranged from his one sibling, most of his friends were mine before we got together and to top it all off, his parents, with whom we're both close, are now moving outta state. oh, he has a coupla close male friends but they never see each other--besides, i could be wrong but i don't think guys support each other in the same way we women do. to say i am worried about this terribly sensitive man is the understatement of the year.
SOOOO...in the meantime, i will go through the motions until it aches less and less. i hope to be able to salvage my friendship with him which in all honesty, i would miss more than ANYthing.
Life is relationships; the rest is just details. - Gary Smalley
p.s. i'm-a go now and see 'bout getting in a run....hmm...who would thunk it 2 months ago--ME--"getting in a run". someone PLEASE wake me when the pain stops.