Drum roll please! The award goes to...
When we first met I was merely an innocent and you my love were a sweet and gentle sort of peace. You wrapped yourself in my life and made me feel like I was accepted. In you I found an ally to lean upon, a safe haven to turn to in my powerless moments. At times I could shut myself off from the pain of the world and feel comfortable in your loving warmth and always forgiving sweetness. I enjoyed those moments we spent together as you made me feel flawless and gave me refuge from the world of pain I was suffering.
As time lingered on I began to realize I could rely upon you to soothe my aching heart. Our bond flourished as I became reliant on your everlasting protection.You were able to fill the void of my unhappy soul. You unleashed the desire in me and filled me full with a pleasure unlike any I had ever known.
When I felt rejected and beaten by the cruelty of the world, you'd come to my rescue. I became dependent upon you for my emotional stability. No longer did I to turn to my other fixations because you were all I needed, you created a secure place for me to be .
With you I shared an ecstasy, a fantasy of emotional wellness. You commanded me to
forget life as I knew it. You gave to me an unconditional love, companionship, and a fleeting high unlike no other I had experienced.
It wasn't long before I yearned for you like a heroin addiction. Every taste of you felt like a bittersweet affliction. To resist you, was to deny myself pleasure, and to deny myself pleasure was unbearable.I would declare love for you and crave you until my weakness prevailed and I would give into my desires and enjoy you uncontrollably. All I had was you now, as I had turned away everyone else I knew. I was alone, lonely and isolated. You had your hold and you promised to add more misery to my life if I dared to let go, because we both knew I needed and wanted you.
I was a mad woman on a mission to edge out the living dead inside of me, silently screaming for help with no one left there to listen.
It was then when I began the hating "you" game. I would retaliate over your powerful hold on me, I would proclaim war demanding you release me from within my prison. Battle after battle you would win and stake your claim, my soul.
I would cry, plead, beg, but for what? My need for you or for my freedom? My mind was in a state of constant confusion.
In moments of control, I would win a battle only to be lost again to be YOUR victim of choice. After all it was fair, because YOU were my "addiction of choice," you were my food addiction.
I almost gave into you, a year ago when you and I had agreed you were going to kill me. I had given up and you rejoiced in the knowledge of knowing you had won and I was a walking suicide.
A miracle happened when my strength came back to me in the form of a child, my savior, my son, my motivation. I found myself on my knees again, begging, pleading, crying and this time Praying to my God for guidance, mercy and courage to yet face another day. My faithful God heard my prayer and he knew you my dear addiction, were the devil upon my back.
He guided me to Spark People where I found a real place I could soar, learn, and gain my power. I found support through people across the world when I thought I was alone. When I thought my life should and would end because I had no way out of my misery. I was shown that I am worthy and the way out is through ME and the support of the people who, like me, have shared my same addiction.
With the help of Spark People and the Spark People Family of Friends that have encompassed me with their never ending love and life saving support, I am winning the battle of my food addiction. I refuse to die for an addiction, I refuse to give up and I refuse to take an award for a food junkie addiction......so the award goes to........
NOT YOU SPARK PEOPLE FAMILY/MEMBERS!
You lose ADDICTION, I am FREE!
We are all taking back our lives from this moment forward! No one is left behind in my group of friends and family. Not now, not ever!
If you have an addiction to food, you found the right place to be and I implore you to get down on your knees if you have to, cry if you must, but please, please never give in or up and never agree to die for an addiction.
I love you Spark People! Thank you for helping me save and live my life!
Written with the deepest love,