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    WILDFIREKRISTIN   4,872
SparkPoints
4,000-5,499 SparkPoints
 
 
And the Award Goes to:

Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Drum roll please! The award goes to... emoticon


When we first met I was merely an innocent and you my love were a sweet and gentle sort of peace. You wrapped yourself in my life and made me feel like I was accepted. In you I found an ally to lean upon, a safe haven to turn to in my powerless moments. At times I could shut myself off from the pain of the world and feel comfortable in your loving warmth and always forgiving sweetness. I enjoyed those moments we spent together as you made me feel flawless and gave me refuge from the world of pain I was suffering.

As time lingered on I began to realize I could rely upon you to soothe my aching heart. Our bond flourished as I became reliant on your everlasting protection.You were able to fill the void of my unhappy soul. You unleashed the desire in me and filled me full with a pleasure unlike any I had ever known.

When I felt rejected and beaten by the cruelty of the world, you'd come to my rescue. I became dependent upon you for my emotional stability. No longer did I to turn to my other fixations because you were all I needed, you created a secure place for me to be .

With you I shared an ecstasy, a fantasy of emotional wellness. You commanded me to
forget life as I knew it. You gave to me an unconditional love, companionship, and a fleeting high unlike no other I had experienced.

It wasn't long before I yearned for you like a heroin addiction. Every taste of you felt like a bittersweet affliction. To resist you, was to deny myself pleasure, and to deny myself pleasure was unbearable.I would declare love for you and crave you until my weakness prevailed and I would give into my desires and enjoy you uncontrollably. All I had was you now, as I had turned away everyone else I knew. I was alone, lonely and isolated. You had your hold and you promised to add more misery to my life if I dared to let go, because we both knew I needed and wanted you.

I was a mad woman on a mission to edge out the living dead inside of me, silently screaming for help with no one left there to listen.

It was then when I began the hating "you" game. I would retaliate over your powerful hold on me, I would proclaim war demanding you release me from within my prison. Battle after battle you would win and stake your claim, my soul.

I would cry, plead, beg, but for what? My need for you or for my freedom? My mind was in a state of constant confusion.

In moments of control, I would win a battle only to be lost again to be YOUR victim of choice. After all it was fair, because YOU were my "addiction of choice," you were my food addiction.

I almost gave into you, a year ago when you and I had agreed you were going to kill me. I had given up and you rejoiced in the knowledge of knowing you had won and I was a walking suicide.

A miracle happened when my strength came back to me in the form of a child, my savior, my son, my motivation. I found myself on my knees again, begging, pleading, crying and this time Praying to my God for guidance, mercy and courage to yet face another day. My faithful God heard my prayer and he knew you my dear addiction, were the devil upon my back.

He guided me to Spark People where I found a real place I could soar, learn, and gain my power. I found support through people across the world when I thought I was alone. When I thought my life should and would end because I had no way out of my misery. I was shown that I am worthy and the way out is through ME and the support of the people who, like me, have shared my same addiction.

With the help of Spark People and the Spark People Family of Friends that have encompassed me with their never ending love and life saving support, I am winning the battle of my food addiction. I refuse to die for an addiction, I refuse to give up and I refuse to take an award for a food junkie addiction......so the award goes to........ emoticon

NOT YOU SPARK PEOPLE FAMILY/MEMBERS!

You lose ADDICTION, I am FREE!

We are all taking back our lives from this moment forward! No one is left behind in my group of friends and family. Not now, not ever!

If you have an addiction to food, you found the right place to be and I implore you to get down on your knees if you have to, cry if you must, but please, please never give in or up and never agree to die for an addiction.

I love you Spark People! Thank you for helping me save and live my life!

Written with the deepest love,


Kristin

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MELLYBEANS0919 11/27/2011 6:20PM

  Thank you...you are so encouraging. I am a food addict. I am working on it now.

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SHWIGGITYWOO 10/5/2011 12:00PM

  Your words are so very powerful. Thank you for sharing this. emoticon

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LUCYLU22 10/5/2011 12:00AM

    Awesome blog!! You have such an awesome way with words!! I hope that things are going well, I see that you are possibly leaving SP. I hope that you do what is best for YOU!! You are so completely amazing and inspiring, thanks for letting us walk for awhile with you on your journey!! God bless you, and keep you in His loving arms!! I will miss you, but understand how things go. I look forward to reading the blog you promised in your status.

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SUSIEPH1 10/4/2011 9:54PM

    Kristen, That is one awesome blog!!
Hugs Susie emoticon

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JENNY712 10/4/2011 3:50PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MARTHA503 10/4/2011 6:11AM

    You never fail to instill motivation and desire to succeed. You have a real gift with words. My demise is sweets, any kind, but I'm working on finding alternatives to sugar. I now eat a sweet potato with a bit of honey or maple syrup to curve the sweets craving or I read . Reading or watching a movie takes my mind off sweets' sometimes I go to the movies bypassing the snacks. This works for me and your blog puts a spark in my journey.

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HELLAS2 10/2/2011 2:37PM

    Congrats on the popular blog. Great writing ... can tell it comes from the soul.

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SHIROIHANA 10/1/2011 11:53AM

    One word: BRILLIANT. What I love about your blogs is that I, like many others, relate and know what it's like to struggle with food (and still struggle like a heroin addiction). I am so proud of what you have accomplished and will still be here every step you take. Keep on working hard Kristen!

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DOROTHY1331 9/29/2011 7:57PM

    Awesome. So real for me. I gave up. I was severely injured by my weight - I wanted to end it all because of the issues caused by weight and yo-yo weight loss. then I prayed. I am not giving up now. Please Spark People stay by my side - along with my angels.

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MARKSTIPANOVSKY 9/28/2011 3:48PM

    Wow - really powerful words. How are you getting on? If we can share knowledge let me know as I have my own addiction demons that I have learned to live with. Gratitude is a great leveler - I like to call it the secret of the second chance. I hope you are winning today...

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ELISOS 9/28/2011 2:31PM

    thank you, great blog....

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DETERMINED_SOUL 9/28/2011 2:29PM

    Thank you for sharing, that was wonderful!

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GOLDENPHOENIX11 9/28/2011 11:46AM

    emoticon

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CHATTIECATHY10 9/28/2011 1:02AM

    words can not thank you enough for your inspiration....you are one of the very first stories I read when I re-joined (well actually joined, since the first time I only signed up and thought that would work) spark people. You my friend...have a huge part in saving me. emoticon

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MISSLISA1973 9/27/2011 11:37PM

    emoticon

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IMNOTSTOPPIN 9/27/2011 7:57PM

    Once again, your blog hit home. I can relate to your blog cuz I've realized there's a difinite link between some unhealthy food choices and AMOUNTs I eat to sooth certain emotions. go my friend, you're blog got right to the heart of the matter and I believe the Lord guided me to SPARKS too!

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NATARSHAD 9/27/2011 1:24PM

    I really enjoyed this blog. I can relate as food has been my addiction for so long. I am hoping to win this battle.

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KSJ040 9/27/2011 12:26PM

  Wonderfully written! I share the same battle and fight it everyday with determination to win the war! Good for you for breaking the cycle!

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SARAHTAIT 9/27/2011 12:20PM

    Great! food addiction is a real problem for so many people! Spark people teaches how to do battle with it!

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HILDABRAND 9/27/2011 9:19AM

    So, so good to remember!

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GRRARRGH 9/27/2011 8:24AM

    emoticon

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RICU1952 9/27/2011 1:31AM

    Great blog. Admitting our shortcomings and failures is the first step, but doing something about them is where most others fall short. Congrats to you!

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ALICIAT32 9/26/2011 11:23PM

    u really made me think! Great blog!

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BMCKEOW1 9/26/2011 4:41PM

    Great Blog!!!! emoticon

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MOMASAURUS 9/26/2011 2:23PM

    emoticon

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ASHOAF1 9/26/2011 1:43PM

  Nicely put! Thanks!

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HHB4181 9/26/2011 11:53AM

    great blog. nicely done.

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BRAND-NEW-DAY 9/26/2011 8:39AM

    emoticon

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PATTILYNN224 9/26/2011 8:30AM

    Thanks for writing this.


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DEBLYNN323 9/26/2011 8:22AM

    Great blog! emoticon

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FAERY_FACE 9/26/2011 7:51AM

    Wow, this had me in tears. Great job on breaking free. There is no better feeling in the world! emoticon

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2BEEFIT 9/26/2011 5:30AM

    great job.

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DWILCZKO 9/26/2011 2:39AM

  great job!

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JANIEWWJD 9/26/2011 1:30AM

    That was an awesome blog!!! Thank you!!!
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JEN169 9/25/2011 10:39PM

    Absolutely awesome blog. What a wonderful tribute to our Heavenly Father!!

Peace and Blessings!
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TUBJUMPER 9/25/2011 9:26PM

    emoticon

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DEBBIEOLMOS57 9/25/2011 7:50PM

    emoticon

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TERRIPAL1 9/25/2011 4:11PM

    Congrats great blog!

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LINDABENEDICT 9/25/2011 4:00PM

    emoticon emoticon

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COOKINGSTARS 9/25/2011 2:19PM

    awesome

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HARRIET2 9/25/2011 11:33AM

    It is beautiful to hear of your transformation.

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CATANTIGO 9/25/2011 10:06AM

    Thank you for putting into words what so many of us feel. You deserve the best blog award. Blessings, Cathy.

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RUN2BEFREE 9/25/2011 9:53AM

    Great blog!

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SOULOFADANCER 9/25/2011 9:23AM

    wonderful blog

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GABY1948 9/25/2011 8:51AM

    This was emoticon emoticon

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FATHINSN 9/25/2011 8:07AM

    Awesome!

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~INDYGIRL 9/25/2011 1:17AM

    I am a food addict, a SparkPeople addict, a shopping addict, a best friend addict, a you name it addict. I have a terrible addictive personality.

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MITCHDY 9/24/2011 10:28PM

    Congratulations, and a beautiful thoughtful post.

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LIVELYGIRL2 9/24/2011 10:23PM

  That's n interesting provocative way to express your exxperience. Congradulations on your extreme sucesss and happiness. emoticon emoticon

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SHANNONINAZ 9/24/2011 10:04PM

    emoticon

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