I've reached some kind of really cool tipping point in my journey to fitness and health. Used to be, when I looked at my body in the mirror, I mean REALLY looked, like in that brightly lit dressing room where you are literally FORCED to actually SEE yourself, there was such disparage between the mental picture I maintained of myself and cold, lit reality. Seriously, I knew my butt was Kim K big but it's THAT BIG!?!?!?! And that blubber where my stomach should be, that's not mine and what the heck happened to my perky boobs...you get the picture. Since I started this Sparking thing in January I've not had many opportunities to really see myself in a full length mirror. We don't have one. The one on the dresser, if you step back far enough gives you about 80% but then you're so far away, you don't really get the complete story, plus from what I've learned in dressing rooms, it's just best if I don't look. Kind of like those gory accidents you happen upon now and then, just DON'T look. So, I wasn't looking and while I so busy not looking amazing things were going on.
I knew my hard work has been working. My clothes got bigger until I had to down-size and then down-size again and my scale, although still stubborn, did reflect a lighter, fitter me. This weekend I was shopping at Mall of America (ok, so it is all the same stores we have at home but it's EVERY STORE WE HAVE AT HOME!! All in one place! Yippee!) for some cute clothes to wear to a tech conference I am attending in Boston in November. I want trendy, cool, well fitting outfits. I tried on pants in Nordstrom Rack and the 10s were too big! The 8's fit. Yes, 8s!!!!!!! 8s!!!!!!! 8s!!!!!! You heard that, right? I said 8!!!!! I haven't been an 8, ever. Seriously. Never. In high school I wore size 9, which I am pretty sure and correct me if I am wrong, translates into a ladies size 10. I am an 8. Ha.
AND, here's the really cool thing. I looked. I took a darn good look at my size 8 body. Right there in the brightly lit dressing room. A long and good and turning around kind of look and dammit if I look really, really different than last time I braved a peek. This ole body is looking trim! It's looking fit! It's looking good! It's looking size 8ish! My huge butt? Very unlike Kim K's. My mushy stomach? I see muscles! Still some flab there or maybe that's skin? But at least the top portion is muscle. The boobs still aren't prime but I've chalked them up as casualties of yo-yo dieting and four pregnancies. They are nicely shaped and don't point to my toes yet so I'll take em and I'll happily renew my membership to the Itty Bitty Titty Committee.
So, I'm in a great place. I did see that I do still have work to do. I am not done yet. But I AM GETTING THERE! And this whole journey I've not really felt like I was getting there. And my workouts? Easy! They seem easy lately. Even the days where I push myself hard to burn 1000 calories, those days don't kill me. My breathing when I run or walk on steep inclines? It's good. No more huffing and puffing and feeling like I am dying. So this is cool. Body is getting so much better that I can SEE it and my fitness level is amazing too. Can I get a big WooHoo?
This is what I felt like in that dressing room.