Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Confession- I've been having a tough time, and I don't really know why. It's kind of hard to put into words, but basically, I just haven't felt like myself. I feel unsettled and off-track, and worst of all- I've been unable to get back "on-track." I'm used to just general ups and downs and fluctuations in motivation, but when I've set my mind to it, I've always been able to get myself together and re-focus. And I'm having a hard time with that right now. This actually only pertains to my eating, my fitness/working out has actually been great (which I'll get to in a minute). But with eating, I have been a mess. To the point where my uniform doesn't fit anymore, and it feels like every bite I put in my mouth is harming me (this is a bit of an exageration, not everything I've been eating has been junky- but the portions and snacks have been out of control). It feels like I am eating to punish myself rather than to nurish myself, and I don't like that at all. It has definitely become a vicious cycle- I'm mad about the way I've been eating and to punish myself, I eat even worse. Sigh. Typing the words obviously shows just how self-destructive, and frankly ridiculous this is. It's just easier to identify the problem than it is to stop. But I think I'm on my way, thanks to the other part of my wellness equation- my fitness.
My fitness/working out has been perfect. I have never worked out like this in my life. I have never felt so strong or so fast. I have never laid out a goal and met it like I have in the last two weeks. Last week I worked out at least twice a day, every day. I would do a cardio sculpt early in the morning, interval runs at lunch and ST after work. I got to muscle failure with my abs three times last week, increasing my max sit-ups from 50 to 70 over the course of a week. I increased my sprint interval speed from 8.0 to 8.2. Yesterday I ran 5 miles in 45 minutes and I felt amazing and strong- hardly winded at all. I played tennis for an hour and a half on Sunday and walked to and from the courts for a total of a five mile walk. SO WHAT AM I DOING?
With all those physical achievements, what business do I have feeding my body junk? It makes no sense. Less than no sense, I'm actively sabatoging myself. If someone else were trying to do this to me I would literally consider them an enemy, so why am I doing it to myself? The answer- I'm not anymore. I just can't go on like this, I feel too fast and too strong to keep putting crap in my body. I'm an athlete and I'm going to start feeding myself like one. In fact, that started yesterday. I had sushi and fruit for lunch, no snacks, and then the biggest, most colorful salad with grilled chicken and egg whites that the world has ever seen. And I went to bed at 9. This morning I woke up clear-headed and energized (started with a morning ST session and am going to follow that with some intervals today).
So, the challenge. The PMP. Last week was HARD, but it saved me, it absolutely did. If not for the challenge I would have blown one of the only things that was making me feel healthy and worthwile- my workouts. So even though I didn't meet my numbers entirely (I didn't get in enough weekend ST), it felt like a success. Yoovie's right- I NEVER would have done as much as I did without the goal being set so high. As it was, I managed the first part of the challenge- 2 hours over 4 days. I did 30 minutes of lower body ST and 30 min of upper, plus 5 minutes of calisthetics at lunch (max sit-ups and push-ups on alternating days). And then two whole body routines. Whew. It was rough, and had to carve out every minute, but I did it. I also got to muscle failure 3 times with my abs (50, 60, 70, respectively). I only got in 20 minutes over the weekend though, but the weekend was tough for me, and I allowed myself something "fun" instead (tennis), otherwise I probably wouldn't have gotten out of bed.
So there you go. That's where I'm at. I'm happy with what I managed last week and it really helped dig me out of a hole (I think, I really need to stay focused and on-track with my eating or all the working out in the world won't help me). I have to figure out what to do for this week, because I've actually been pretty balanced during the last two weeks. I'm leaning towards legs/butt, because that will help my running/tennis.