Sunday, September 18, 2011
And I am not afraid to say it.
With school back in session, I am finding my every other day runs are taking a back burner, which upsets me. I am legitimately upset about it, but too tired to really do anything about it. I am looking to find a nice, convenient schedule, but that is difficult too. I do not like to run in the morning because it is dark and N is already gone before I really get around to running. I do not like the idea of running in the dark without anyone really knowing that I am out there. Running after work is tough, though, because I am on my feet all day and then running feels like three times the challenge that it used to be which makes me feel like I am losing ground. That is why I need motivation.
The more I feel unsuccessful, the harder it is to convince myself to keep going. I asked N to help me feel motivated, but he just told me what he thinks I am doing wrong. I have a nice stride, a good method, a usual routine that works. His advice is not how to change it so that it works after a long day, but how to change it so that it would work for him. That is not what I need. I need a kind word. I need a hug and a promise that setbacks happen to everyone. One of the best motivational things N ever said to me was something like "even the best athletes take time off and still come back full swing later" when I was really sick in July and took four days off from running.
I have lost four pounds since school started. That is most likely because I am back into my regular routine--a lot of water, few snacking opportunities, and little time to sit around. That makes me feel good, but my inability to develop a nice running routine has me upset. It is not that I feel I should be able to run three miles like I used after standing in three inch pumps all day. I just want to pull out a nice two miles in under twenty minutes on a school day and save the three+ miles stuff for weekends. Unfortunately, though, I am just hoping for a two mile weekend run and a one and a half mile weekday run, and my times are atrocious. I feel awful.
There is no way that I am going to be able to convince N to help me purchase a treadmill in November if I cannot even convince myself that I can handle it. :(
So, today, I need motivation. A lot of it. Which is why I am back on SP. Hopefully, I find what I am looking for.