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    KDS2012   269
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I'm not pregnant, just chubby!!! Motivated OH YEAH!

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Really excited to gave a fresh start on making my changes. I have tried before w/o success, but I am in a different place now & am experiencing renewed motivation. I have recently found myself needing to wear work attire after staying home with my daughter for almost 2 yrs., the 1st of which I was breastfeeding. I don't want to nor can I afford a new wardrobe, yet I'm finding myself seriously addicted to fashion lately. It's almost like I had a developmental growth spurt where I finally understand fashion and have a sense of my personal style. As exciting as this is, the reality is cruel...I love these styles that look awful on this new pudgier, softer, squishier body. I used to have beautiful musculature and long lean abs without love-handles. I think what has really been going on us I have been in denial! Yep, that's got to be it... I felt skinny after having the baby, I mean hello dropped 25# in a week or two. Then when I stopped breastfeeding, I felt smaller- those milk boobs really took me up a shirt size, so stopping felt like weight-loss. Then I started working out doing cardio, and dropped a pant size and a half. Yet when I get on the scale it says I weigh 7# more than my pre-pregnancy (but post hypothyroidism) weight, which by the way is 2# more than a month after the baby was born.
So yesterday, we are at RedLobster which was an unplanned outing, I'm wearing sweat pants, a babydoll top (with paint on it) from when I was breastfeeding- it was the only thing I had that didn't need a bra under it, and a cardigan. So in all fairness this was a sadoutfit for public viewing. I ordered a sampler appetizer as my meal with my husbands salad (no dressing), and ate the non-fried part of the meal, removed the bacon from the scallops, and definitely WAS NOT pigging out. Can you believe this waitress (very tall skinny 19yr-ish) asked me how far along I was...and when I said I wasn't pregnant this chick said "really???" . Now I admit I am definitely looking chubby- the double chin is peaking out and the arms are super thick, and well the legs and butt look like craters. However, my stomach does not look pregnant (I used to have amazing abs as I mentioned before, they are invisible now, but the stomach is still flat- well at least when I'm standing emoticon). Can you believe the nerve of this chick?
The worse part, I had been working out so hard lately, and in general while I am realistic about my body, I am not an insecure person- I mean I wear a tankini not a bikini, but I take my baby to the pool wearing a bathing suit all the time (community pool that is). But this can make anyone a little insecure!
So about a week or two ago, I pulled out my old clothes (really I used to wear a 5/6... I honestly don't remember ever thinking I was small, yet there are boxes & boxes). I am dying to wear these super cute clothes I have. I even started putting them away in my closet so I can see what I'm missing and what my ultimate goal is, but I was already on the oath to renewed motivation, and now I have my reality check (well besides the comment, my old fat clothes don't fit me, they are now what I consider my skinny clothes)! This time I am going to make it happen!
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