Friday, September 16, 2011
This time last year I was at my 8 year low, 34 pounds down from my highest weight. It was the result of lots of exercise and a very strict diet that I stuck with even when I thought I couldn't. I didn't lose anymore after an ankle sprain last October (which is still bothering me), but I kept it off. Until....
We'll leave out the gory details. One high stress business trip, making good decisions but eating out for every meal, and I came back 18 pounds heavier in just 5 days. The residual stress continued, and by the end of the second week I was up another 8 pounds. 26 pounds in 2 weeks. I've stabilized, but one indulgence of even the smallest amount and I gain a pound that day.
To be so far away from where I was just 6 months ago. To very suddenly have no clothes that fit. To be very strict in my diet and causing myself pain exercising, only to get nowhere. It's discouraging, and I don't know how much longer I can keep it up. I know there is an underlying medical issue that needs dealing with, the unreasonable weight gain is only one of the symptoms, and I have an appointment in 2 weeks. Right now all my hopes and dreams are in that appointment, which I scheduled shortly after I had the initial weight gain, back in April.
To say the least, I'm discouraged. I don't know how much longer I can feel deprieved and get nowhere for it. I want to give up and eat what I want, primarily mood stabilizers like chocolate and potatoes. And I'm scared. On Sunday I leave for another business trip. I can't afford to have the same thing happen, or I'll be at an all time new high. I feel desperate waiting for a change when I know what needs fixing, and want to just up my prescription myself. I know it's not a good idea, and I won't do it, but I can't say I'm not tempted.
I've taken a hiatus from sparkpeople. I thought I was doing fine on my own. I have so little time I don't feel like I can be on here. But, Sparkpeople gave me support like no one else in my life. And clearly, what I'm doing isn't working! This is definitely a case of something being broken and needing a change!