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Its been a very emotional day - death in the family

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Its not been a good day. One of my cousins passed away in her sleep last night. They are doing an autopsy to find out why, but they suspect her heart. About 8 months ago she was diagnosed with cervical cancer. Usually, with that kind of cancer they operate and remove the cancerous area and then do chemo or radiation. They couldn't do surgery though because she was 400 pounds and they didn't think her heart could handle it. So she had chemo and radiation and things were starting to look better. She was only 48. She has four children. The youngest is only 4. Its so sad. I feel especially bad for my aunt and uncle. They had 6 kids but not there are only two surviving. I can't imagine that much heart ache. The two that have survived are handicapped. One of them can never live alone and was supposed to go live with his sister when his parents passed away. I just don't know what they will do about him now. He's about 55 and a very nice man, but just not able to look after himself because he is mentally challenged.

Today was my day to see the doctor again. I've had a pretty rough couple of weeks since the last appointment. He thinks my fatigue and aches etc are due to worsening depression. He started me on prozac two weeks ago and now we are waiting and hoping it will work for me. I'm not usually a crier, but today I sat in his office and cried. I was so embarrassed, but I guess that is what they are there for. We went over all the things I should be doing to get myself in a better frame of mind and I am already doing it all. He says I am doing everything right. I get out for fresh air every day. I walk every day - 20 mins to 1.5 hours. I eat fairly well. I fit things into my day that I enjoy like reading and genealogy. I don't get alot of sleep but I never have. I am lucky if I get 5 hours. I used to get really frustrated about not sleeping but about ten years ago I changed my thinking about it. I spend 8 hours in bed RESTING. I tell myself its okay if I'm not sleeping because at least I am still resting.

I haven't even thought about dinner today. Its been too emotional of a day today. Maybe my hubby can cook for once. The kids will complain though. I love him dearly and all but his cooking is HORRIBLE.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NATASHA_D1 9/19/2011 11:22AM

    I am very sorry for your loss, death is never easy. It is a rough road sometimes but you have a great support network here and in your family, the only thing that I can remind you is a day at at time. Bless you and your family.

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FERGSGIRL2 9/17/2011 7:02PM

    so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I have a cousin who is seriously ill also, and I realize that stress or death does not wait until we are "ready" to deal with it. Allow yourself to grieve and time to heal.

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DETERMINEDJANET 9/16/2011 9:36PM

    emoticon

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TIABITS 9/15/2011 9:46PM

    Sorry for your loss Lori. Take care of yourself...sounds like you are going thru a rough patch but remember things will turn out fine, they usually do.

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FREECAL1 9/15/2011 10:22AM

  So sorry that you have lost your cousin! Hopefully you will get better yourself.

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DOROTHYBERO 9/15/2011 8:51AM

    So sorry for your loss and your frustration. Hang in there!! emoticon

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GAYLLYNNE 9/15/2011 8:51AM

    I am so sorry for your loss. My dad passed away a few months back and the Dr. put me on Prozac. It wasn't the right meds for me though but for some people it's great. Just be careful of the side effects. No wonder you were crying, you have a lot of grief in your life right now. I can't image what it would be like if I lost one of of my cousins. We are all so close. Sending some cyber hugs, hope they help.

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REBECCAMA 9/15/2011 7:51AM

  Sorry for your loss.

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GLRGIRL 9/15/2011 5:05AM

    My heart goes out to you and your family. Such sad news. Allow yourself time to grieve.

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BARCLE 9/15/2011 3:16AM

    emoticon and condolences

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WALKFIT 9/14/2011 11:44PM

    emoticon

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HEATHER1969 9/14/2011 10:21PM

    So sorry for your loss... (((BIG HUGE HUGS))))

I sure hope you start back on the upswing of your life soon....Im sending you happy good thoughts. emoticon emoticon

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STLOUISWOMAN 9/14/2011 9:27PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. My son passed away last week & it has been difficult. I do pray that you will find peace in this difficult situation. Iím also sorry to hear that you are suffering depression. That can be terribly debilitating at times. Hopefully, you & your doctor will find the right treatment to get you past this. Crying today, in view of your loss is completely understandable. You need that time to grieve your loss.

Sandy

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CYNEDRA 9/14/2011 7:21PM

    Please accept my condolences on the loss your cousin. And good luck getting your health back in order. I know that depression can leave you fatigued.

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