Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Its not been a good day. One of my cousins passed away in her sleep last night. They are doing an autopsy to find out why, but they suspect her heart. About 8 months ago she was diagnosed with cervical cancer. Usually, with that kind of cancer they operate and remove the cancerous area and then do chemo or radiation. They couldn't do surgery though because she was 400 pounds and they didn't think her heart could handle it. So she had chemo and radiation and things were starting to look better. She was only 48. She has four children. The youngest is only 4. Its so sad. I feel especially bad for my aunt and uncle. They had 6 kids but not there are only two surviving. I can't imagine that much heart ache. The two that have survived are handicapped. One of them can never live alone and was supposed to go live with his sister when his parents passed away. I just don't know what they will do about him now. He's about 55 and a very nice man, but just not able to look after himself because he is mentally challenged.
Today was my day to see the doctor again. I've had a pretty rough couple of weeks since the last appointment. He thinks my fatigue and aches etc are due to worsening depression. He started me on prozac two weeks ago and now we are waiting and hoping it will work for me. I'm not usually a crier, but today I sat in his office and cried. I was so embarrassed, but I guess that is what they are there for. We went over all the things I should be doing to get myself in a better frame of mind and I am already doing it all. He says I am doing everything right. I get out for fresh air every day. I walk every day - 20 mins to 1.5 hours. I eat fairly well. I fit things into my day that I enjoy like reading and genealogy. I don't get alot of sleep but I never have. I am lucky if I get 5 hours. I used to get really frustrated about not sleeping but about ten years ago I changed my thinking about it. I spend 8 hours in bed RESTING. I tell myself its okay if I'm not sleeping because at least I am still resting.
I haven't even thought about dinner today. Its been too emotional of a day today. Maybe my hubby can cook for once. The kids will complain though. I love him dearly and all but his cooking is HORRIBLE.