Tuesday, September 13, 2011
So it was only a matter of time, right? Vacation euphoria has passed and left in its wake a serious time-off hangover, the all-too-familiar "I don't get another vacation for at least a year" depression and capital B, BOREDOM.
Sure, I have a ton of stuff to do. Everyone is bugging me for my photos, I have life (and laundry) to catch up on that I've been putting off for 3 weeks, I need to get back into my exercise routine, grocery shopping, healthy cooking...but I've been hit by a serious case of the "I Don-Wannas". I think that was even my issue with writing my blog yesterday - for some reason just looking at the pictures of my fabulous trip makes me sad. And don't even get me started on work...
I know I need a game plan to get over this feeling and back in the game. So I've been thinking about what I need to do this week to jump start Fall in the right direction. I'm still sitting at this miserable plateau. I was ecstatic to see that I hadn't gained a pound upon coming back from 3 weeks away, but now I'm beginning to realize that it's most likely because the scale just isn't moving in EITHER direction. And my goal is to be down another 25 pounds by Christmas. This is going to be tricky!
I received a wonderfully sweet reception from my honey when I got home. He missed me as much as I missed him, so we've just had a lovely weekend catching up and celebrating being together again (by eating and drinking way too much).
I'm STUCK. And it sucks. Life for the past few days has felt painfully slow. All I want to do at work is eat because I'm so bored. Most people would rejoice at the fact that it only took a day and a half to catch up on 3 weeks of missed work, but for me, that's almost torture. We're gearing up to our busiest season and I'm not at all excited about it. In fact, I want out more than ever. Come to think of it, I'm not exactly excited about anything. Boo!
I am excited about my boy, but I can lose precious hours being wrapped up in him. I don't get anything done when we're together and since I derive most of my own personal pleasure from my own accomplishments, vacation aside, I haven't had many of those lately. I need my Spark back!
So here's what I'm thinking to get me back on my feet. Here's hoping it makes me feel a little bit better about the state of current affairs in my life:
1. Resume my activity schedule asap. I'm training for a 15K in November, so running NEEDS to happen and not just on weekends. 1-2 runs during the week in the mornings or evenings and a long run on Sundays. Zumba on Saturday mornings. Swimming on Wednesday nights. Monday and Friday can still be reserved for light activity or days off. As much as I would like to continue biking to work - my schedule is packed, so unless I can conceivably run and bike, or swim and bike on the same day, I might have to be ok with taking the bus to work again.
2. Weekends off food tracking. Since Nikhil and I spend most of our time together on weekends, it's been very difficult to track food when he cooks or when we go out. I can't give up my time with him so I can count everything like a mad woman. Something's gotta give. So I'm going to TRY weekends off counting and see what happens. It terrifies me to leave the tracker behind for even a day. But I proved on vacation that I can be responsible (even though I don't really think I was and I think my weight results had more to do with extra walking/being sick/carrying a heavy pack/plateau than they did with me being careful about what went in my mouth) so I'm going to use the same rules for the weekends. Drinks are going to happen. Food is going to be more plentiful. But as long as I'm really good Mon-Fri, I should be allowed a tracker-free weekend as long as I'm exercising both days to compensate. We'll see.
3. Bust out the crockpot! The season is upon us. No reason I can't have healthy meals at home that take approximately 10 minutes to make and provide healthy lunches for the whole week. Don't slack on grocery shopping. I need to get and keep the ingredients I need on hand and make time to prep and cook on a regular basis.
4. Retain vital "me-time". Just because he's available to get together, doesn't mean I am. I need to figure out just how much time I need for me and stick to it. And not feel guilty about it.
I think this last one is still the most important one for me. Having a boyfriend has been a great thing. But it's something I wasn't exactly planning on or factoring into "the plan" and as such has thrown me for a bit of a loop in my personal scheduling. It's not easy going from having every second that you're not at work or with friends to yourself, to all of a sudden scheduling around another person and trying to make things work for two people instead of just one. It's been an eye-opener for me, learning just how selfish I have made this journey for myself and realizing how difficult it has become for me by adding another person to the mix. No one was supposed to love me until I was a size 6! Haha! I didn't plan on finding someone so wonderful until I hit goal. The fact that I have found a partner but still have a lot of work to do is a bit more complicated than I expected it would be - but this is life. And I need to be prepared to live it no matter where I am on this road. But I will say - I can't believe that I'm HAPPY about Nikhil having double classes this semester for his MBA since I know that it's going to cut into our time together - however, I feel more like it's a blessing in disguise and I'm looking forward to having that extra time to myself. And I know deep down, that doesn't make me a bad person, it just makes me a healthy person.
The more weight I lose, the more space I take up. My ME is getting to be quite a large person. But I like her. She's broad, and bold and requires a lot of time and attention, but she is beautiful and talented and deserves every second that I am able to give her. The larger she becomes, the more respect she demands from other people as well. And frankly, it's about time.
And right now, that big, beautiful ME that I've created is bored. But that can only mean wonderful things for my future, because when she's bored, she dreams up fantastic things to do. It's only a matter of time, but I will settle on something great. It isn't the best feeling right now, but I think I'm still headed in the right direction. So...back to those personal accomplishments. Back to my Spark. And lunch. Because right now, I am ACTUALLY hungry, not just bored.