The Green-Eyed Monster
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
One of my best friends in the world lives in CA. We went shopping together, did all sorts of fun stay-at-home wife stuff together, we were neighbors for a while, we even got pregnant at the same time. We also got fat together.
She came to visit early in the Spring and was so inspired by my weight loss that she decided to change her diet and exercise, too. She just hit the 30 pound mark.
When I read that post on facebook, I... well, I can't print here what my first thoughts were because they were vitriolic to say the least. I am so ashamed of that. What kind of friend am I to be so pissed off that she beat me to the 30 pound mark? The fact that I've been stalled here for so long is not her fault. Me shoving entire cakes in my face is not her fault. Me eating chocolate chips instead of exercising is not her fault. She didn't even send me my usual box of
brownies on my birthday.
No, my sad state of affairs is all *my* fault. Why can't I be proud that I inspired her to change? Why can't I be excited for her to reach such a milestone? OK #1, she's only got 10 more pounds to go, that makes my heart ache some. And #2 she beat me to 30. I'm wounded. And I'm annoyed that this stupid fat made me unable to be proud of someone I really love and who deserves it.
And I'm jealous, dangit.