A year and a half ago, I was diagnosed with Major Depression & Anxiety Disorders. I've had many serious ups and downs, but since early this year I seem to be on a better medication.
Having Depression & Anxiety makes it really hard to lose weight. The loss of energy is probably one of the worst symptoms of Depression. So is the hopelessness & self criticism.
This past week I have not been feeling well. For some reason, I have been feeling overwhelmed and stressed. I think a lot of it has to do with the kids going back to school next week. It's a stressful time, especially for a single mom.
My Depression & Anxiety have prevented me from holding any type of job, and I am very lucky to have qualified for social security this last year. My friends think I have it made, but I would trade it all just not to have these disorders!
Doing laundry, going shopping, cooking meals, and etc. are so hard for me to do. Worst of all I can't multitask anymore to save my life!
These roadblocks are definitely hard to work through. Losing weight for me is a huge deal. Lately, I have been having a very hard time sticking to the calories and not over-eating. I think I am harder on myself then anyone I know. I weigh in tomorrow, and I am anticipating a weight gain. I surely deserve one.
I am hoping that no matter what the scale does, that I can accept it and move on. With Depression I tend to dwell on things longer than most. It is hard not to think of failing at weight loss, because to be honest I have failed at many things in life.
I probably would have given up already, but I see my kids and there are so many things that I want to do with them before they grow up. A lot of things that most kids should do, but unfortunately I am too overweight to do them. I know that I have mentioned Cedar Point, but other things such as fitting in the seats of a stadium to watch a game, or going camping and being able to comfortably sleep on the ground. Let's not mention that I'd love to take the kids to the Sand Dunes & I know that right now I am in no physical shape to do so.
All these things weigh on my mind as I go through my weight loss journey. I'm trying to learn how to live with my Depression & Anxiety, but this is seriously the hardest thing that I have ever encountered.
I just want to be the best me I can, and I know that right now I am not. I love the support on Spark People and I love being able to blog how I am feeling on any particular day.
I just wanted to share with my spark friends a little background into my life, and maybe some people can relate to the things I say.
Thank you everyone that reads my blogs, and for all the support you have given me. It really does help me on days that are tough and it seems like lately I've been having more and more. The last thing I want to do is gain the 10.5 pounds I have lost in the last month. It's a small success, but at this point I'll take any success that I can get!
Thank ya'll for listening.
Much love to you all!