Monday, August 29, 2011
I typed my blog last night and was so upset that I went to bed and cried and cried. My husband came up from work (we live above the restaurant he owns) and cuddled up to me, but I was so upset and I just wanted to be alone. I pretended to be asleep so he would leave me alone. I finally fell asleep but awoke about 4 am with some weird cramps. They were low and in the center of my abdomen. They felt like gas cramps, but not in the normal place you have gas cramps! But they weren't severe and they went away very quickly, so I fell back asleep.
This morning at about 10 am, I noticed a little bit of spotting. Now, I know this may be TMI for some of you, but tell you this DOES have a point, I promise! The spotting was VERY light pink and there was only a trace amount, but it scared me, especially since I have miscarried before!
I am so thankful that my husband is a Paramedic for our local ambulance and was only a mile up the road. I am also thankful that when it comes to the ambulance, I am his boss, so he was able to come home! LOL :) (I am the president of the ambulance squad and he is squad captain, so when it comes to the paid personnel, I'm in charge. A little weird, huh? lol)
He took his "lunch" early and came home and held me while we cried. I told him that if I lost this baby it would be all my fault for feeling like I do. I told him about the blog I wrote last night (but I didn't let him read it) and I told him that maybe this was punishment for me being so selfish! For all the (mean) things I said about him in my blog, he really is a wonderful and husband and I hope no one who read last night's blog thinks otherwise. Of course he reassured me that if I lost the baby it was not my fault. Intellectually, I know that.
But, the rest of the day has been fine. I took it very easy on my workout and made sure it was low impact (Walk Away the Pounds 3 Mile) and I have been taking it easy otherwise. No more spotting. No more cramps. And as odd as it sounds, I think it's exactly what I needed. Because as soon as it seemed that something could go wrong, I was instantly scared. OF COURSE I love this baby. OF COURSE I don't want anything to happen to this baby. This is what I needed to make me realize that I actually already love this little one growing inside me.
So today, I am thankful for the little reminder that I got. It was his or her way of saying, "Hey Mommy, I already love you and need you!" And, my husband and I had a wonderful talk too and things are better there. And when it was all said and done, my husband got an ambulance call and literally saved someone's life! I couldn't be more proud of my (growing) family!