Well, it's Thursday again! Yep the morning I step on the scale and the mood of my whole day can be ruined if I don't fight it with everything I have in me. It is the morning of the week when my usual bubbly personality goes down the toilet. Or, at least, that is the way it has been since March 2011.
You see, though I have diligently counted points (until the beginning of July 2011) and tracked my food and fitness practically every day on SparkPeople since July (I tend to miss Saturdays - careful about what I eat most of the time but don't log in due to being away from home), I have not lost ANY weight. I have fluctuated between 157 and 161 lbs every single, stinking, irritating week. It does NOT matter what I do. Eat more workout more? Eat less work out more? Eat less work out less? NOPE - NOTHING!! Cut carbs eat more protein? Up the carb intake after workouts and balance my sodium? NOPE Doesn't help. I am STILL not taking the pounds off.
Now here is the TRULY irritating thing. I am getting smaller. I look fantastic. I feel fantastic. I KNOW without a doubt I am healthier. I have more energy. I have the beginnings of abs that actually show. I have super great legs. At 20 years of marriage, how many women can say they can't wear their wedding dress because it is too big? I can - it is way too big!!
So, I'm sure there are some of you reading this wondering what my problem is - why am I so frustrated. Well, because according to all the "healthy" weight indicators such as the BMI and other charts, I need to be at 129lbs to no longer be overweight. I need to be at 155 lbs. to not be obese. I hate the word obese. I have worked and worked and worked to get away from that word and, yet again, I am still there.
Week after week it gets harder to look at all the positives - I can finish a 5K is 40 minutes or less, I no longer need to shop at Lane Bryant and can borrow some of my daughter's clothes, I wore a spaghetti strap dress to a party this past weekend and looked fabulous in it, I can out dance girls ten years younger than myself in a jive class. The number is what my brain says is the indicator and it isn't moving.
I tell myself it doesn't matter. But I never started this with external looks in mind. I want to avoid diabetes, heart disease, joint issues and other health risks that come from being overweight and obese. And yet, I can't get below those numbers.
So for today, I will fight the urge to go get a donut (or 3) because it just doesn't matter anyway. I will find time to work out even though I'm incredibly busy at work. By tomorrow, I'll be back in the game striving once again to achieve every single day with the hope that the scale will give me a gold star next week. But, I'm losing hope that it is ever going to happen again.