Tuesday, August 23, 2011
What would you do it you heard the “C” word?
Of course that “C” word is cancer.
Would you cry?
Go into denial?
Beg God to fix you?
Question, “Why me?”
Allow fear to take over?
It would be easy to do any or all of these things, but for me...
I actually heard the "C" word or in my case the “L” word or Lymphoma over the phone from my doctor. I’m actually grateful that he told me with no messing around, but needless to say I was initially in shock. I handed off the phone to my husband so he could hear the same words. Now, I was to go home, try to sleep through the night, which I actually did and then I’d be on the phone with my oncologist the next day; my oncologist... hmmm two words I never thought I would be saying. I went home with tears and fears and told my two sons.
My office visit with the oncologist wouldn’t come for 8 days, plenty of time to consider what was happening to me and research that word. But it could also be 8 days that could paralyze me.
It’s kind of funny, the next day I had to get out for a walk to clear my head. During the walk I ran into a lady whose dog I like to pet and I told her. She turned out to be an 11 year cancer survivor. She had the calm demeanor that I needed. I returned home with total peace about my situation. I was going to fight this and win, so it was time to get things moving.
I had a core biopsy, laparoscopic biopsy, bone marrow biopsy, and port surgery plus lab work, a CT scan, a PET scan, an ECG and started chemo in just over a month.
It turns out that the initial tears and fears have been my only negative emotions to go with this diagnosis. I told my son that I wanted my pain diagnosed, no matter what it was. I got that. I told my oncologist I wanted to know exactly what I had and how to treat it. I got that. I then told my oncologist that I want to kill it. I’m in that process right now.
You may think I’m in denial, you’d be wrong. I know exactly what I am facing. However, I believe that any negative thoughts from me or others around me will only do me harm. Will I have bad days? I’m sure I will, but staying active by walking daily, continuing to do my races (yes I’ve been give permission to do so), and looking only toward the positive are the things along with the medical side that will KILL this cancer and not allow it to return. So don’t feel sorry for me, have no pity. If you think of me only think positively and you will be helping me heal.