It gives me a good chuckle when I see an advertisement like this; whether it be TV, Magazine, Billboard - one thing is for sure: What a LOAD!
Our society is somehow conditioned to expect women to look like this:
I'm NEVER going to be that skinny. EVER.
GET. OVER. IT.
And hey - I'm just as much to blame. I define the perfect weight as having a gap between your thighs, arms with zero fat, and 6-pack abs. Oy. No wonder so many people fail at weight loss (myself included)
Rewind to yesterday. This crazy person came out in me again..
A few stressors at work, guilt because I didn't work out, and I'm thinking all sorts of negative thoughts. Add in changing when I got home into a pair of jeans that fit a little snug and I was nearly in tears.
So I start yelling (not *at* my husband, just in his general vicinity) "HOW AM I NOT LOSING WEIGHT?! I RUN 3 MILES A DAY. I EAT LESS THAN 1500 CALORIES A DAY. I SPEND HOURS AT THE GYM!?!!?!!"
And he responds with "Well I've lost weight. Don't I look good?"
At this point, I was on the verge of "Hello, Mallory. Welcome to the nut-house!"
Seriously, do men listen to the words that come out of their mouths?
I reply "Well isn't that just GREAT for you?!"
Don't get me wrong, I am ecstatic for him. He has been working hard (just getting him to the gym was a miracle in itself), but not gonna lie - *probably* not the best time to bring up his achievements - what with me being on the edge of a mental breakdown and all.
I wish there was a happy ending to my night last night, but there wasn't. I didn't eat terrible (maybe went over 1400 calories) but I didn't get a run in and I felt like crap. I wanted a beer, but convinced myself otherwise. I sat on the couch all night and watched reruns of HIMYM, and the new episode of "The Lying Game" (I have an addiction to ABC Family. It's a problem I'm working on..)
Went to bed early, got up late.
Fast-forward to today:
I considered jumping on the scale, but I just didn't want to start my day headed backwards on the "stay positive" scale.
I'm feeling skinny today. And refreshed.
This afternoon I'm going to get a kickass run in. And I'm going to do 30 minutes on the elliptical or bike. And do some ST. I have nothing on my schedule, so I want to stay at the gym longer than anyone. I want to see people walk in and see them leave 40 minutes later, knowing that I'm working my butt off.
Who cares if my jeans were snug? You know why? Because I could karate-kick someone to the ground with these leg muscles. And yeah, my arms may jiggle in the process, but I'm working on it. I don't have a gap between my thighs, but guess what? I NEVER WILL. Because I'm thick. That's how my body has *always been*.
And I like it that way. So does my husband. If someone doesn't like it, well - to tell you the truth, I straight-out don't care.
Yesterday's negative-Nancy attitude is gone. Today is a new day.
I've read the Spark about 10 times, and it still amazes me how I have to re-teach myself every day to not call myself an idiot (because I said something silly), or lazy (because I only worked out 45 minutes), or pathetic (because I gave in to a second skinny cow bar). It boggles my mind that living a healthy lifestyle is so...difficult. And then I remember that in the end - all of the fights with your inner food devil, lazy-ass, and bully are all worth it.
What you're left with after all of that is a sense of accomplishment. A feeling that you have mastered the art of fighting off our society's expectations, leaving thoughts of losing "20 pounds in one week" at the door, and doing it all for YOU.
Because you want to take bike rides with your kids and see them grow up healthy, strong and confident - never fearing for a moment that someone will bully them or put them down, because you've taught them that is unacceptable.
That is the type of generation I want to raise. One where the thoughts in their head are not how much weight they need to lose at the age of 10, but what sport they're going to play, or when their next recital is.
But it all starts with me. If I can't figure out how to practice what I preach, then there really is no point.
So here I am, today, continuing the healthy lifestyle that I've been struggling so diligently to maintain. And I will be here tomorrow.
See ya then, Sparkies. ;)