Monday, August 22, 2011
This last week or so has not been good. I just lost my motivation, broke my streaks...sigh. I felt really blue for some reason. And, worse, I just wanted to eat. Even worse, I had no desire to keep myself from eating. I'm ashamed to say that I would look forward to my husband leaving with my son so I could binge without anyone knowing it. I hate that. It makes me feel even worse to be secretive about it like that.
I was thinking it is like I have this monster living inside of me who doesn't want me to lose weight and be healthy. It has been sleeping for a while, but something woke it up and it is mad. It wants to be fed. Seriously, though, there has to be some part of me that truly does not want to lose weight. Why else would I do this to myself? What is it that I'm trying to feed. The most frustrating thing about it all is that it does not make me feel good. Why, oh why, oh why do I do this to myself?
Well, regardless, I am picking myself up, dusting myself off, and getting back on the horse. I will do my best today and take it one bite at a time. I am not going to beat myself up. I am in this to truly change my eating habits and be healthier and that is not going to happen overnight. I have a lifetime of practicing bad eating habits - I have a lot to unlearn! More importantly, this last week or so is not a reason to quit. That would be stupid. I have done well and at worse I have probably gained a pound or two. I can easily come back from that if I start now. But if I tell myself there is no point in trying and really give in to that monster...