Saturday, August 20, 2011
Stuart Smiley is a fictional character from Saturday Night Live and that was his mantra...back in the days of daily affirmations. He was hilarious and his book was even funnier. You know, its so true though!!!!
This week, I was at a workshop that had me look at myself and what "stinkin' thinkin'" I've been doing in my life. Okay, they didn't use Stuart's terminology but really that is what it was. We looked at "what is in front of the spirit of who you are". Stinkin' Thinkin'!!! My message to myself was "I'm NOT good enough". Through my life, I've worked hard at covering that up. Doing good, being leader, being president, getting degrees, trying to be a nun, becoming a principal, being the life of the party, not being afraid of doing whatever it was. However, in retrospection, I realize that much of that was trying to cover up my own fear of NOT being good enough.
In this, my parents were concerned that I was getting to be a chubby little girl. My parents put me on a diet, brought me to the doctor, reminded me to lose weight. I fought against this because deep down, I felt that I wasn't GOOD enough because I was fat. Somehow, I knew this was wrong and so I fought against being skinny. Surely, I wasn't defined by my body shape. So, if I ever lost weight, I would sabatoge so I wouldn't make my goal. If I did, I would be a sellout believing that I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH....even though I was thinking that anyhow.
It was a dichotomy of thought. Thus the struggles in all my other blogs.
Today, I'm going forth in a new way. I recognize that I AM GOOD enough...and that doesn't have to do with my weight. I look forward to letting go of my fear of losing weight and agreeing with those people who I felt thought I'd only be good enough if I was skinny.. I recognize that was MY story, not theirs.
So, its true...I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggone it...people like me!!!