Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Wow, I really thought my days of purging were behind me. Yesterday, though I haven't tracked it, I'd say I binged on close to 5,000 empty calories. It was not the secret, ten minutes of shoveling food into my face kind of binge that you see on Lifetime movies. It was all day. And I was out of control.
Edit, I tracked every bit, it was
Totals: 4564 CALORIES 510gCARBS 210g FAT 99g PROTEIN
I'm always preaching to start over and take control, every bite is a choice, etc. And I really do believe that to be true for almost all situations. I took action at lunch and had a very healthy meal, had a healthy snack at 1:00. Back on track, changed my attitude, made a better choice right? Then at 3:00 it was chili dogs and fries, then cookies and cheese puffs, then I'm in the bathroom puking my guts up and swallowing a handful of colace. I was filling my head with thoughts of how disgusting and shameful my behavior was. My gentle healthy fairy was nowhere to be found.
The crazy part is that I never once felt "full". I am sure that is because the void I was trying to fill was not "hungry".
Today is a new day. I packed 1,000 calories of breakfast, lunch and snacks, including 5 servings of fruits and veggies. I am only eating what I packed. I ran two miles yesterday (between the chili dogs and the cookies). Today I am going to try a trampoline aerobics class. I'm not de-railing my whole plan because of one really effed up day. I'm working on being gentle with myself but it's a bit tough right now. really thought I'd never do that again.
Living, Learning, Loving and hurting,