Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Two steps and a pause. The pause is where you stand up, brush off the dust, let the blush settle off your cheek and then you start again. There is no step back. The step back is admitting defeat and I refuse. I will never concede that I didn't try, even when I was doing it halfway. There was still effort there. Even when I was fumbling, lost and unsure. I was still doing something. Heck, the trying might have been harder for lack of direction.
This is the story of my life, at least the last I don't know, 10 or 15 years of it. And when I look back at my life, where I started, where I've been, who I am. The one thing I see about me is I can maintain a positive attitude in the face of diversity. That I am a fighter and I will never give up. I still believe, even in times of doubt. That's me as a whole and I cannot bisect one part of myself and say that part about me is an utter failure because it's not and I'm not. Just because I am not fit and thin now, doesn't mean I won't be. Maybe I won't tomorrow but I'm changing my mindset, my attitude, my resolve and I made myself a promise that I mean to keep. I made a promise to my family that I mean to keep and I'm working harder every day.
Babies don't start out telling themselves, walk today or never try at all. Little kids might get frustrated when they can't do something, they may even cry and say I can't do it. But they still keep trying and when they achieve the thing they didn't think they could do their eyes are alive with excitement and they are giddy and ready to show you and any other person that crosses their path that they did it. I am ready to take the example of my kids and work at my goals. When I fall down, I didn't take a step back. It was a pause. This is not a now or never process. Not for me anyway. I may have my moments when I cry and pitch a fit but in the end, when I reach my goal I will be SO excited. I'm gonna scream it from the top of every building and then I'm going to start helping as many people as I can.