Tuesday, August 16, 2011
So I need to confess that I've been dealing with some serious depression surrounding several things in life. Not life threatening or even medication needing depression. This is more like feeling sorry for myself, dealing with old issues that have decided to return, etc. 1) when my power lifting coach emailed me some information that made it impossible for me to continue working with him (the 2nd time now that I was nearing my 1st competition) - old memory of being pulled from gymnastics as a kid when my coach had told my mom more than once that he felt that I could make the Olympics. 2) back & knees giving me pain that sometimes makes it really hard to even want to move. 3) grandma dying and not being able to meet my 4 younger kids. 4) my dad being on a mission of destruction. 5) my uncle & aunt cutting me out of their lives when my 15 yr old was under 1 yr. old for reasons they still won't share accept that it was because of my ex (acting really weird at grandma's funeral). 6) my mom deciding to move back to California without even saying goodbye to me or the kids. 7) 4 kids at home (2 teens & 2 pre-teens) on my own; a couple of them struggling with identity issues and just plain old fashioned "I'm a kid, that's my job troubles". To top it off, the summer schedule makes it impossible to go to the gym to do cardio at night like I normally do which has thrown my body into "gain mode" which is not making me happy at all. So, now that I've whined I need to let this stuff go somehow, know that God is in control & that he loves me and the kids no matter what and find a happy place for all of us and make traditions, etc. that the kids can carry on instead of these sick patterns that previous family have instilled in our lives.
What am I doing for myself? Well, I still workout at lunch time and when I can I like to take long bike rides. Saturday is my day to spend 2-3 hrs at the gym depending on what the kids have going on. Staying in contact with my two good girlfriends and occassionally going out to the movies with them just to relax. Tracking food and trying to figure out what's triggering my body into the state that it's in. Any ideas from anybody reading this would be fantastic!!!
Side note: if anybody knows a good plastic surgeon that would like to do pro-bono work, please give them my contact info!