Thoughts on reaching this milestone
Monday, February 26, 2007
Hallelujah! I did it! I broke that nasty buggery 300lb barrier!!!
::Sigh::: Of course, as promised, I got down on my knees and thanked the One who has given me the strength and courage to stick to it this time. Folks, I cannot remember when I used to weigh less than 300lbs. Isn't that awful? To know that I allowed myself to get so lardy in the first place, and --horror of horrors-- to stay that way for soooooo long? Pathetic I tells ya, pathetic!
I almost can't believe it's true. I've been making confessions all week, so I am going to spill another: The lowest weight I had gotten to in the previous years was down to 303 back in Dec of 2004, when I had last tried the SBD. But, it was like I began an assault of self-sabotage or something, and instead of pushing through those few remaining pounds, I spun ever so slowly out of control, and blammy, started going right. back. up. Sure it was the holidays, but I remember blasting through Thanksgiving like nobody's business. Even if I had gained a few, it was like I couldn't reign in the eating, and consequently lost my grip altogether and eventually surrendered to my cravings and old eating habits.
So about two weeks ago, I was closing in on the 300lb barrier (that is how I envisioned it in my mind...an actual physical barrier of some sorts) and I started getting...nervous....anxious..
..fretty. Why?! Still don't know yet, I'm trying to process through that one. Anyway, there I was, staring down my enemy, and I could feel myself retreating. I had a binge a little less than two weeks ago. On top of that, I started allowing myself to accept the lame excuses my mind was throwing up at me for why I couldn't exercise. I felt like I was about to take a step backwards. Oh the angst!
You see, being over 300-something has been a part of my identity for so long now...like my height or my hair color. It's a part of who I am. I seemed incapable of wrapping my head around the fact that I could be a part of the 200+ pound club again. Me. ME? Yes, me. So, I gathered my cajones about me this last week, and buckled myself down, and gave me wee little brain a pep talk. Do it...don't be a fraidy cat. You DO want to lose this weight, right?
Stop with the excuses! Stop clenching up!!!! Just do it already!
So I laced my track shoes back up and started working out again. Fortunately, with the SBD lifestyle, eating is never really a challenge for me anymore. I know what I can and cannot eat, and for the most part, there are no cravings (the most important reason why I *love* this way of eating!!!). It's just making sure I get my water and snacks in, and a matter of keeping a keen eye on my portions and planning for my meals. Otherwise, I eat very healthy...99.5% of the time....that is as long as I ration my NSA fudgesicles, and stop trying to polish off a whole box at a time! Eegads!
But I digress....so I grudgingly got back to exercising (I keep hearing about how all these people gush and goo about how they now just l-o-v-e to exercise...uh....it ain't happening for me yet. I still dreeeeeeeeeeead it!). And, I made sure I got my three squares/snacks/water in. And yeah, I sneaked on the scale yesterday and it blinked up at me 299 something. No! For reals? Tried stepping on and off like, seriously, 17 times or something awful like that. Then got silly fluctuations all over the place. Said forget it, let's just see what tomorrow brings. So today, the scale did indeed flash up 298 and no matter how many times I hopped off and on that scale, moved it around to a different bathroom floor tile, tricked it out with my leg weight only to make sure the next weigh-in could not be a replica of the previous weight, I still got 298.
So it's official! I am now part of the 200+ club. Man, it feels great to be here!
It's like I am becoming human again.
52 lbs lost, only 128 to go
Many thanks, Lord. Many, many thanks....