Saturday, August 13, 2011
Speaking of fooling myself. Despite best intentions and a well laid plan for yesterday's dinner, I saw my son eating chips and salsa which made me want chips and salsa so bad. So, I decided in all of my infinite wisdom to "treat myself" to some chips and salsa and a chicken quesadilla. Which in and of itself would not have been so bad, but I added to that a cup of milk and 6, count them, 6 oreos which is roughly 320 calories or equal to 2 of my healthy snacks or 1 of my breakfast or lunch meals. Sigh. Okay, I know, I can't have them in the house. I have to do something with them. I think back to all the times I mindlessly devoured an entire package and then wondered why I couldn't lose weight. I guess, if you think about it, in some ways I've won half the battle. Because know I think about those calories. I don't just mindlessly indulge. I know exactly what I'm doing. Its what comes after that really matters.
So I had logged my planned dinner for the day already. Did I change it after my dinner? No. I hadn't fully decided yet, but I thought, eh, why change it? I'll just leave it. What difference does it makes. I know I ate that food and no one else looks at my food log, so who cares. And so I left it that way. This morning my husband had a bout of insomnia and went to Burger King armed with coupons before I even woke up. He came home with a breakfast sandwich for him and for me, 2 orders of french toast sticks, and an order of cinnidippers, or whatever they are called. Ugh. I haven't eaten this much for breakfast in a long time. I can say that I don't like feeling like this at all. I feel sick and gross. I sat down to check my email and felt like a drunk who has bright lights shown in his face when I came across SP. I didn't want to look. Didn't even want to think about it.
Then an article caught my eye about the importance of food logs. Which is amazing, because that is exactly what I needed at exactly that moment. So, I logged my food intake for last night and for this morning. I ate almost 1000 calories for breakfast this morning with not a vegetable in sight and the only "fruit" consisting of my glass of OJ. Kind of pathetic. But seeing it in this light makes me willing to face it - and, more importantly, move on. I'm not going to beat myself up, but I am going to try to adjust the rest of the day in step with what I consumed this morning. Which may just save the day. In the end it doesn't matter whether other people see my food log or not. The food log is for me. To keep me mindful and consistent. Have I mentioned how much I love SP?