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    SWEETIE81   17,943
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BABY SHOWER


Friday, August 12, 2011

emoticonEVERYONE. I JUST FELT LIKE GETTING SOME THINGS OFF OF MY CHEST. THERE ARE JUST SOME THINGS THAT YOU CAN ONLY SAY OUT LOUD TO YOUR SPARK BUDDIES. MY PROBLEM IS THAT I HAVE TO ATTEND A BABY SHOWER FOR MY YOUNGER BROTHER & HIS GIRLFRIEND SUNDAY.THEY ARE EXPECTING TWINS (A BOY & GIRL) IN ABOUT 4 WEEKS. DONT GET ME WRONG, IM HAPPY FOR THEM AND I CANT WAIT TO SEE THOSE BABIES. I KNOW THAT I"LL FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM AT FIRST SIGHT. THE THING IS THAT I GET REALLY SAD BECAUSE I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO GET PREGNANT YET DUE TO HAVING PCOS. I WANT TO HAVE A BABY MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD. THESE TWINS WILL MAKE HER HAVING FIVE KIDS ALL UNDER 8YRS OLD( THREE FROM A PREVIOUS HUSBAND). IT SEEMED LIKE IT WAS SO EASY FOR HER TO GET PREGNANT. SHE DECIEDED THAT SHE WANTED TO HAVE A BABY AND WITHIN TWO MONTHS SHE WAS PREGNANT. I JUST CANT GET OVER HOW EASY IT IS FOR SOME WOMEN AND HOW OTHERS HAVE TO WORK EXTRA HARD AT IT (SOMETIMES YEARS), IF THEY EVEN CONCIEVE AT ALL. I JUST HATE TO GO TO A PARTY TO HELP CELEBRATE SOMETHING THAT I WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING. I WANT TO BE THE ONE HAVING A PARTY TO CELEBRATE BECOMING A MOTHER. I WANT TO BE THE ONE TO OPEN ALL THOSE GIFTS WITH TINY CLOTHES INSIDE. I WANT TO BE THE ONE TO KNOW THAT MY BABIES ARE COMING IN A FEW WEEKS. MOST OF ALL, I WANT TO BE THE ONE HOLDING MY NEW BABY IN MY ARMS FOR THE FIRST TIME. IT JUST MAKES ME SO SAD TO THINK OF ALL THE THINGS THAT I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO EXPERIENCE, BUT WANT SO BAD. BUT I"LL DO MY BEST TO PUT ON THAT BRAVE SMILE AND I'LL SHOW HER HOW HAPPY THAT I AM FOR HER, ALL THE WHILE I'LL BE CRYING INSIDE AND MY HEART WILL BE BREAKING IN A MILLION TINY LITTLE PIECES. THANKS FOR LISTENING EVERYONE
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
ANGEL636 8/30/2011 11:20AM

    You are in my thoughts & prayers emoticon

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CIVIAV 8/23/2011 4:36PM

    And this is so clearly what makes you a Sweetie... How profound to be so generous when the tears are falling. I will be crying so you don't have to... emoticon

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JCBEAUTYQUEEN 8/18/2011 8:56AM

    emoticon praying for you sis.. stay encouraged..

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B-LYNN1ST 8/16/2011 12:10PM

    emoticon My heart goes out to you. I cry so much when I hear of sparkers who are losing weight so they can a baby. I pray you have one. When it's in god times, you shall have one. Please believe in that.

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SWEETLIPS 8/13/2011 5:25PM

    Oh Precious, oh so understand. Yes, I was blessed to have children, but after several miscarries, I did. Yes, I hear you and sincerely believe that you are happy, and I empathize with you. There has been some strides in PCOS, and I know that your time will come. Get as healthy as you can, and before you know it , it will be done. I have 12 years between my children. Blessing to you! emoticon

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LEAHOBI 8/13/2011 7:43AM

    emoticon

I know all about your frustrations. After 5 years of trying, I quit and fully embrace being child free for life. I get to sleep in. I get to use the bathroom uninterrupted. I am also adopted, so I fully support alternative ways of having children. I am probably happier that my birth mom could have kids, and that my adopted parents wanted kids. But enough about all that. I hope that you are able to get what you want :)

ps: sending good mojo your way. emoticon

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LEN_VERSION32 8/13/2011 1:07AM

    emoticon

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NEW_LIFE_4_ME 8/12/2011 11:18AM

  Oh I instantly felt a little of your pain or I think I might have. I can imagine how I would feel if I were in your shoes. I know you are not envious, you just want to be a mother so bad. Have you been to the doctor to see what can be done? It can be that your s.o has a low sperm count so that should be checked out also. There is also adoption and foster care. Some people say you cannot love another child as you love your own. I am here to say yes you can. I took care of a little girl when I was 19 years old, it started off being a babysitting job. I seen her mother was battling drugs and would keep lil Emily dirty and in the high chair. I would pick her up and take her for walks and to the park etc. I taught her a lot. I gave her many first experiences. She would dance when she saw me. I loved that lil girl. Her mom tried cleaning up and she left without notice. I knew she was starting to envy our relationship. Last I heard her mom went to drug rehab in Washington and Emily was in her aunts care, I am in California. That was 23 years ago. I still think of Emily. I am thinking about looking her up to form a relationship and add her in my will. I have two beautiful girls now age 20 and 15. I still think of Emily and my girls know Emily by my memories. You have options. I just ran across a family member on my husband's side. He is 75 and looks fantastic and happy. His secret is him and his wife started doing foster care for babies 6 months and younger, he loves it. I enjoyed talking to him as that is something I often considered myself. Have fun at the party and think of your options. Please start with going to the doctor and then s.o and go from there. Big hugs!

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1CRAZYDOG 8/12/2011 10:33AM

    ((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))
)))))))))))) emoticon

You're reaction is totally normal. I went through this when all my friends were getting married and I wasn't even dating!!! But when I DID end up getting married (at age 33) many of my friends were divorced, some remarried. What a mess! I felt less like I "missed out" looking at those scenarios. I waited, made the right decision and no regrets!

Then came the infertility as you struggle with too. I found it VERY difficult to attend the many baby showers as my friends started their families and I was having no luck. I feel for you. I still went, but my heart was heavy.

As a post script, we ended up adopting. That's how we made our family. It took a very long time to get to that point, ghouth, to make that decision. It is a very personal choice. Very personal.

You know we "get it" and glad you vented here where you're understood.

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