Tuesday, August 09, 2011
Giving up was so much easier.
When did I start quitting on myself?
I can not remember exactly when this downward spiral of self-destruction started but now I know what caused it. Everyday I fight to love myself for who I am and stop the depression from taking control of my thoughts, my life.
Run, girl run. I was pushing myself to run. The finish line seemed to be so far away but I could see it. Part of me was trying to sabotage myself once again by convincing me that I have done enough. If I would quit, it would not be so bad. No, it would not be so bad but I can do this. Why stop if I can do this? I did want to give up badly but I needed to keep going. I was not fighting to run an extra mile, I was fighting mostly with that part of me that feeds on myself destruction like an addicted.
That's the hardest part of my day, fighting with myself to do things that I used to enjoy. Sometimes, I lose the battle and I have to start all over again.
The only difference now, I know I can do this and I will do this.
So run, girl run. I can see the finish line, it is closer than you think.