Tuesday, August 09, 2011
Well about two weeks ago now I went down to the Ohio state fair to braid horse manes and my sister got back in town. Bad news bears. Skinny sister + fair food+ skinny sister always wanting to go get fair food=bad. Then last week was our county fair which i stay at all week because I volunteer to help the horse kids in my moms 4-h club. So once again bad news bears, skinny sister + fair food + pot luck dinners+ people constantly asking if I would like some= me falling off the wagon hard core. I never realized that peer pressure also pertains to food and eating. I'm soooooooo upset with myself for this.
On top of all that, last Thursday (at the fair) I was informed by my mother that my aunt Debbie has 6wks-6months to live. She has stage 4 cancer in her lungs and brain. She stayed with us Thursday night and had called her husband around 11pm to let him know she was staying with us at the fair and that she was turning off her cell phone. She had a pedicure scheduled for 9:00am on Friday morning, I drove her home and dropped her off at 8:30. I got back to the fair around 10:00am and my mother was bawling her eyes out I had no idea what was going on. She pulled me aside and told me my uncle Dale (Debbie's husband) was killed in a multiple car accident that morning on his way to work. So I am emotionally drained, and dont even know how to explain my thoughts on all of that right now. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. I was sooooooo sad and on top of it felt horrible about the fact that she prolly turned her cell on right after i left her and got the messages that something was wrong. It's just horrible.
On top of that, later that night my little brother Tyler got arrested AGAIN, this time for underage drinking and he has 18 months in prison hanging over his head. Then last night I get a phone call letting me know that they moved him to the psych ward of a hospital because he told officers he just wanted to die. I feel like my whole world and my family is falling apart around me and I dont know what to do. I'm an emotional eater and this is sooooo crazy its making me sick to my stomach, I dont know how much more I can handle.
I know none of this was really complete thoughts but I had to get some of it out of my head.