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feeling rubbish

Monday, August 08, 2011

I woke up this morning and felt awful, I still do really. I think it might be that time of the month and so life feels rubbish for no particular reason anyway, plus I've been fed up at home with family irritating me and lack of funds to do anything fun!

But of course what is really depressing me is my weight/size/food/fatness - the whole lot. So many times lately I just wish that I could stop eating, like quitting smoking or drink, but it's not that simple with food addictions! Yesterday I ate okay, scrambled egg on toast breakfast, veg soup and more toast for lunch, pizza and salad for dinner and big portion of cherry cake and cream later. It was too much food, but nothing bingey and yet still this morning I woke up feeling guilty and awful about things. To add to this instead of dragging my body out of bed to do the 30 day shred, as I did every week day last week, this morning I snoozed my alarm and talked myself out of doing it. My reason? I don't enjoy getting up and doing it, so I won't do it. Even though last week once I got started it wasn't so bad and I felt good afterwards! Arghhhh. Oh and then I weighed! Last Monday I weighed and told myself I wouldn't weigh again until September - lies!! I have sneaked a peak on the scales a few times and mid week they were down a couple of pounds, but today I was 2lbs heavier than a week ago!! I can't afford a 2lb weekly gain!! I have gained 4 stone (56lbs) in the past year!!

Agghhhhhh, so this morning I felt scared of eating, delayed doing so and sat browsing diet/healthy food sites. The general impression I got was what I already know - eat healthy and sensible, don't deprive and take things slow aiming for the long term!! So I ate breakfast. I was thinking about counting calories again, but it doesn't help, I just get obsessed and when I go over my intake I blow it badly! So today back to the plan - healthy foods, listen to my body, with the addition of NOT overeating after dinner. Maybe even not eating after dinner?! I feel so confused and such a failure :-(
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NGALAX 9/28/2011 4:26PM

    hope you feel better now...this blog sums up my current state. Thanks. emoticon

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SPARKLINGDAWN 9/5/2011 7:36AM

    emoticon emoticon

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MYRTROSE 8/29/2011 5:33PM

    HEY...
That's enough of the self-bashery li'l missy!
Just take it slowwww.
I know, I know. But really take it slow.
Focus on one small goal at a time.
You can't race right back to where you left off.
Give your momentum time to build!
Love you Pink you can do this!

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BLACKROSE_222 8/8/2011 11:30AM

    Wow - sounds like a rough time. Take it easy on yourself - trust the process. It will all work out.

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ANGELGRLKAS29 8/8/2011 9:52AM

    I've been there and felt that way about myself. But beating yourself up isn't the answer either - that will just make you feel worse and add to the downward spiral you get caught in. You don't even have to wait until the next day to get back on the wagon with your eating - start with the very next meal. You are human and will make mistakes. Pick yourself back up and move on. What comes from making yourself feel guilty? Permission to eat how you want and not exercise? Is that how you want to live the rest of your life? As Chandte said - it's all about CHOICES! Choose to exercise. Choose to drink enough water. Choose to eat better. Don't think of it as a diet or trying to lose weight - instead think about being a healthier you! Lifelong, small tweaks. Change your thinking and you can become the person you want to be. emoticon

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KLOVELYJ 8/8/2011 9:24AM

    REPEAT AFTER ME....YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!!!! YOU ARE HUMAN!!! I REMEMBER COMING TO YOUR PAGE FOR MOTIVATION ALMOST EVERYDAY!!!I PROMISE!!! YOU CAN DO THIS PINK CAUSE I HAVE KEPT TRACK OF YOU DOING IT. YES YOU HAVE HAD A SETBACK, BUT FACE IT..NOW WHEN YOU GET BACK DOWN YOU WILL MAKE DIFFERENT CHOICES. SOMETIMES WE NEED TO LEARN A LESSON. I GOT DOWN TO 149 ONCE AND I JUST CELEBRATED LIKE WELL I'M DONE NOW...NOT BEFORE I KNEW IT I WAS 180 AND WANTED TO SHOOT EVERYBODY FOR LAUGHING AT ME BECAUSE THEY SAID I WOULD GAIN IT BACK. WELL THIS TIME I WILL NOT GAIN IT BACK. REASON BEING IS BECAUSE I WORK TOO DAMN HARD TO GET IT OFF AND SO DID YOU. NOW LET'S LOSE THIS DAMN WEIGHT AND KICK FAT IN THE $$$. FORGIVE THE ENGLISH...I'M FEELING VERY DETERMINED TO GET THIS DONE AND KEEP ME A STEADY PACE FOR KEEPING IT OFF.
~LEENA

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LIBBYFITZ 8/8/2011 9:22AM

    emoticon emoticon

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KARENE10 8/8/2011 9:01AM

    If the time of month is approaching then you will probably gain a couple pounds and feel really crappy(I know I do!),but then afterwards you will lose those pounds. Don't beat yourself up! Every day is a new day to start fresh. I know that sometimes for some reason we get in the"zone"and can eat really well and exercise and then for no apparent reason at all we lose that motivation(of course i am speaking from MY experience). Just do the best that you can. For me having healthy food around is a big key,cause if I have cake,candy etc.in the house then I'll eat it. Do what you think works best for you. I count calories. Sometimes I do overeat but i write everything down in a notebook,this way I know what works best. Take care of yourself~you did so well before~you CAN do it!!!!!!! emoticon emoticon

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SHERLYN-WILL 8/8/2011 8:50AM

    I could have written your first paragaph! Except if I am getting a period it will be the 4th one in 8 wks...


I too have wished food could be just "STOPPED" like you stop cigs and booze... just abstinence....

I have learned though that abstaining from sugar really makes me FEEL better and I don't have the cravings anymore 'whatsoever'!

It has been a lifesaver to find the eating plan I do... (from my 9-17 blog).... the weight just melts off and I feel BALANCED and clearminded and no cravings....

I was SO SO addicted to sugar... (I don't think I realized HOW BAD)

Thinking of you today!

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CHANDTE 8/8/2011 6:40AM

    Don't feel that way about yourself!! Today is a new day and you have a choice to do with it what you want...and it sounds to me that you WANT to eat good and exercise! So...if that is what you, yourself have said that you want...DO IT!! Have a fantastic Monday!! You will do great! You have done so great and you will pick right up where you left off! I believe in you!



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