Sunday, August 07, 2011
So this week has been a turning point for me. I know I haven't been on since early this year, and thats because I just kept putting it off since I knew I didn't do anything.
This week was my first wedding dress fitting, and while it went well, it could have been better. Then I get home, and my dad (SO well meaning, I know this) says that I only have 2 months til our wedding so I better step it up - meaning losing weight. That kind of stung, since my dad has always been one of my best supporters in anything I decide to do. I guess its his way of supporting me. I also was looking at older pictures of me from university and I was astonished at how much smaller I looked then. And I thought I was heavy then! I'm definitely at my heaviest now. This is awful. Post baby weight sucks a lot, just so you know. I thought it would be easier to lose it but it isn't. I wanted to lose weight before I was pregnant, its even worse now. I feel huge. I HATE all pictures of me, I don't want to hate my wedding photos! Ugh! I've reached a turning point. I know its not the healthiest, but I have to cut all my carbs. All of them. No more carbs. Veggies, meat and water for me. Thats it. I need to do this. I look ridiculous.
Plus I'm so frustrated with our wedding plans, more our jack n jill (stag n doe, buck n doe etc) plans. We have been told to stay out of it, that they will plan it for us and thats how it should be etc but I don't want to be TOLD anything. This is supposed to represent us and we have no say in it? And now FMIL has decided that it should be a beach theme, but only because she has leftover decorations from her daughters jack n jill. Awesome, we get to be the copycats. Thats how I see it, and I'm worried that people that come that came to that one too will think that.
Anyway I'm just not in a good place right now and I need to be. For my new little fam and for myself. I just don't know how!