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One hundred & forty pound weight monster ruling my life

Sunday, August 07, 2011

Yesterday, I took a road trip to my niece, Chloe's, 3rd birthday party that was held at a beautiful cottage on a lake owned by my sister-in-law's family. My brother and his family have been living in London, so I rarely get the opportunity to see them. My niece and I adore each other & spend hours playing whenever we get the opportunity. As soon we got to the lake, off went my niece's clothes and she ran straight into the lake. She was such an adorable sight to see & soon was pleading for me to get into the water to play with her. I waded in a bit & mentally wrestled with putting on the suit that I brought with me (a ridiculous water aerobics contraption). If it was just my immediate family, the weight issue would never have stopped me from spending the entire day in the water. Today, there were scores of my sister-in-law's relatives (most of the women hovering around a size 2 or 4 at the max). You should have heard the mental berating going on in my mind: "Get over it, who cares what they think. They probably don't even notice you." "It's your own fault that you keep getting bigger - don't let Chloe suffer for your weakness." and those are the censored quotes!

It was such a hot day & I am a total water bug, yet I let my weight and self-consciousness get the better of me again. And then, of course, there were the pictures. My sister-in-law's sister was snapping them all day long and all I could think was "Oh God, I hope she it doesn't tag me in them on Facebook!" A beautiful day & I sat there stuck in ego mode because I've been letting this one hundred forty pound weight monster rule my life. It's strange to realize that I spend so much more time & energy thinking about my appearance now, than when I was a healthy weight. Kind of ironic. I guess where I've gone wrong is in the "thinking" instead of the "doing".
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    OMGoodness!! the times I have sat and watched others having fun and splashing about or dancing whilst feeling too self concious. Hope those days are in the past. Maybe not quite ready yet but soon, I hope. Thanks for posting this.
    2416 days ago
    That is definitely tough. And I can relate. I used to organize our company picnic - at a water park!! The last thing in the world I wanted was for my coworkers to see me in a bathing suit. But I'm working hard to change my weight, and my perception of myself. I've still got a long way to go. But I'm making progress, and that feels great.

    2417 days ago
    I'm glad you posted your blog. I think I know exactly how you feel. I've avoided PST (public swimsuit time) for many, many years. I'm lucky enough to be going to a resort in Mexico in December but am already a bit anxious about it. I did not start my SP journey with that trip in mind, but am glad I have made some progress and will feel better than I would have.

    Keep coming back to SP (every day, if possible), make youself some little promises about food and exercise (small promises are more easily kept) and slowly build on your success.

    I promise - you CAN DO THIS! You deserve to be treated well, especially by YOU!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2418 days ago
    oh boy, do I relate! But you (we) have come to the right place!

    Support, caring and terrfic suggestions are here...

    Good for you, and thanks for sharing. I imagine most all of us are the same... you are not alone!

    Hugs from south of Leicestershire,
    2418 days ago
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