I saw a vision of myself yesterday and realised how far I have come along.
Saturday, August 06, 2011
When coming back from Cambridge yesterday, I saw a woman walking into my village. I felt sorry for her because obviously she had been walking a long time and had heavy grocery bags. The closer I looked, the more I realised that I recognised her. She looked exactly like me! But the me who used to exist 4+ years ago. She had the same brown mousy hair, scraped back in a ponytail. She had the same glasses. Same shape. Everything! I thought that the way she dresses and looked as though she was hiding away, and I identified with that. I hated being the fat girl and didn't want to be looked at or noticed. I wore baggy clothes to hide my shape, looking non-descript with the glasses boring hair and boring glasses.
And it made me think that part of losing weight and getting more comfortable in my skin, included taking care of my appearance. I'm not vain and wouldn't want to be considered as such, but I do take a lot pride in myself. I want to look good and will do things that make me feel good, such as not always having hair in a lazy ponytail but have it down, get it coloured and make it more interesting by having a fringe. I wear a lot more colour now whereas before I always wore black.
I like doing my nails sometimes and wearing makeup when going out. Before I would've hated to be noticed and even though I'm still a bit self-conscious, I'm getting better all the time.
Losing weight is not just about dropping the lbs. Half the battle with losing weight is psychological. I think that's why when I lost all my excess weight the first time round (4 stone = 56 lbs), I put it all back on because although I was getting smaller, in my mind I was still the fat girl, the fat friend, the girl no guy would be interested in. This time I'm trying to adjust my mindset as well as my eating habits and fitness. It's not easy but I'm slowly getting there.
Me in July and August, 2007
Me in July and August, 2011