Friday, August 05, 2011
Yesterday was my 52nd birthday. Yuck. For weeks I have been in a huge ugly funk about it. Didn't want to be 52, wasn't happy about it. Very strange as it has never bothered me before to get another year older. In fact I was thrilled to turn 50 and get to join the AARP!
I usually am cheerful to the point of nausea. lol I have cried, stomped around, yelled and been a huge pain in the butt to everyone. Yesterday my mom took me to dinner. I pouted thru the whole thing then finally said I don't want to be 52 damnit. Her response was that she didn't want to be 52 either. I asked her WHY????? She said well her mother (my grandma) lost her mother at 52 and she lost her mother (my grandma) at 52 and became an orphan and it was a horrible year. In dawned on me, that's what I am afraid of, losing my mom and becoming an orphan. In the last 3 years I lost my husband, 10 hours later my daddy, 2 cousins and a nephew were killed in action in Iraq, my son was diagnosed with a disease that while not life threatening has caused many other health problems, other son was stabbed in a home invasion, a daughter who attempted suicide, I had a surgery that fixed the original problem but caused more that sent my health into a tailspin ............the list goes on and on. Whew-alot to deal with. After coming home I was angry for several more hours at the injustice that is my life. Why me lord, why me? I logged into spark and found 87, yes 87 happy birthday wishes from people I don't know, some with words of kindness and hope. WOW, 87 people took time out of their day, dealing with their own problems to tell a complete stranger Happy Birthday. It was just what I needed. So after chewing my own hinny for my selfish thoughts and actions, I realized that-I had 29 years 364 days with my darling hubby, we had 4 precious children together that have given me 2 beautiful grandbabies so far, a lifetime of memories that can never be erased, a daddy who was my idea of a perfect man, a momma who is my rock and I will cherish every moment I have with her, wonderful friends there for me always, a son who was fortunate to have a doctor who caught his disease early before it became life threatening, a son who is in such good shape that even being stabbed 2 times cause no permanent damage, a daughter who has now graduated college and engaged and happy, family members who have such a commitment to our country they are willing to serve and give their lives in honor, that I have lost over 60lbs with sparkpeople forever!, my health has improved greatly, I had a great job for 30 years that provides a good retirement income, a nice home, 3 little doggies who keep me laughing with their antics, a forgiving God..........my thankful list far outweighs the bad. Why not me Lord, why not me? I am overwhelmed at all the good wishes and very thankful for spark and the wonderful people on it. I will pass this forward! You do the same! And for the record, I can't wait for 53!