Friday, August 05, 2011
Lately I have posted to message boards and blogged about how wonderfully happy I am to be having these near breakthrough moments with exercise, diet and emotional stability. Truth is, I am happy most of the time, but I'm struggling. My weight on SP says 210 because I DID reach that. Then suddenly my body decided to retain 8 pounds of water. Let me repeat that. **8 POUNDS!!!!**
I was told by my fitness fiend friends not to worry and to push it a little harder, eat right, drink tons of water and things would be normal in about a week. Well, they were right at first. I'd dropped almost 5lbs of that weight and thought I'd overcome it all. I've been working out every day for the last 5-6 days (not hours at a time, just a really hard 20 minutes, but that is more than I have in the past), I've eaten well despite a bad day here or there with friends, and I've drank more water than I thought was humanly possible. I stepped on the scale this morning and it said 217lbs. I have not weight 217 in probably two or three months. My heart broke.
I guess my logical side understands that I've hit some sort of plateau, that it's mostly water, but I feel defeated by my own body. I feel big, fat, hopeless. I will workout today because I know that giving up isn't going to solve anything, and I won't eat the sh!t that isn't good for me because I'll just feel worse. I don't know what to do. I've spent the last 15 minutes crying and I don't know how to get out of it.
I have never experienced this since the first week I started trying to lose weight in January of 2010. This feeling of my goal being an impossibility. I want to be under 200lbs, ideally 195 lbs by my birthday (October 4) and I just don't think it's possible at this point. That's a hard fact to accept.
Thanks for anybody who is reading this...