Wednesday, August 03, 2011
I got my new swimsuit. Lands End Size 26. I love it. It is very comfortable.
But... it is a swimsuit.
Well since I was in a suit and feeling cocky I decided to get some "Start point" pictures. And to update my profile with something from this year.
August 3, 2011.
OUCHY. Now I like the suit and I think my face is pretty and I KNOW I will appreciate these photos because they will help motivate me and give me a reality check on what I look like but...
I am not too happy. It was really hard not to suck in my gut etc. I didn't cry or anything and I feel pretty numb but this is not what I see when I look at myself in the mirror.
I see this:
Nice face, pretty hair, pale skin, you know... not the fat. I know I am obese and I need to get the fat down but I am by the numbers fairly healthy. I have good blood pressure, I don't have diabetes, and so on and so forth. So when I see this it is confusing and upsetting.
My new associate Connie said the nicest thing when I first weighed in for weight watchers at 368 and was disconcerted by the number. I hadn't weighed myself in months and well it was higher than I expected. She said, "This is the last time you will see that bad number." She said it so fluidly and confidently that I was instantly reassured.
Well now I have to console myself. This is the last time I will take a picture of my body like this because I am going to change it for the better starting right NOW.
Because I am STRONG.
So Mote It Be.