Tuesday, August 02, 2011
How can I explain those two things?
The Voice in My Head: She is often critical, overly so, of me and the things I do. Occasionally she says cruel things that are not necessary, helpful, or truthful. She can twist the truth and skew facts until I think something about myself or how I'm perceived that is totally untrue and unrealistic. My whole life, this voice has been the negative force that has kept me from believing in myself, chasing my dreams and goals, and being the healthy person that resides at the core of my being.
The Feeling in My Heart: It is always hopeful and longing for the love that I know is out there. The love for and from my friends, family and maybe one day a partner. More and more it slowly grows into a feeling of self-acceptance and appreciation. The internal feeling does not match the exterior shell in which it resides, but it fuels a desire to change that fact.
There are days where these two little things start to combine. The cynical voice takes a cue from the feeling and starts to soften the tone and keep the negative comments at bay. The feeling is molded into one that is realistic about expectations and celebrates the here and now. I know that eventually it will all be cohesive. It is binding together more as I make choices that better my life.
I feel the day coming where I will wake up, be thankful for the love in my life (especially the love for myself), look in the mirror and smile and know that the future, although unpredictable, will be what I make of it. It will be one of the greatest days of my life, but, perhaps, so subtle that I may not even recognize that it happened. That moment of "I'm completely happy," is somewhere around the corner of my upcoming experiences. I can't wait to embrace it fully.
Have you had *that* day yet?