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Almost 40 and not quite where I wanted to be.

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Today is my brother's birthday. August the second used to be the time that opened birthday-related depression season. With the time things changed and the thought of being one year older didn't seem that scary. I don't know how I feel today. In a little bit more than a month I am turning 40 and I feel I'm losing the battle again!

I thought I was going to be able to proudly shout "40 and fabulous" but the truth is I have failed and it's nobody's fault. And it's only up to me to get up and continue my journey.

Hope all my Spark friends have been doing great! I've missed you a lot but felt I didn't have the right to be here (crazy, I know!)

Have a great day! Gwen

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PACALAWA 10/4/2011 8:04AM

    Hi GWENAEL, You haven't failed, you just haven't reached your goal yet. emoticon Everyday is another chance to reaffirm your commitment to your health. -Pacalawa

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PAULKNUTH 9/3/2011 8:54AM

    Keep plugging away. I lost 75 pounds on "failed missions" and it took longer to lose the last 25 than it did for the first 50.

Life does get in the way and I am now coming off a period fo eating a lot and a lot of bad stuff but AUGUST is history and focus is back.

I did not recognize your profile picture - your face really show some weight loss.


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IRENEGS 9/1/2011 11:04AM

    I think we often find ourselves not where we want to be and that is discouraging. I've been working on accepting who and where I am and telling myself that this is only for now...and that soon, I will be closer to where it is I want to be! If we can never be satisfied with where we are, we will never be satisfied with where we go next, so maybe try accepting where you are now, knowing that this is temporary and each day you get one step closer to where you want to be!
Turning 40 is hard...but you are here in this community and so that's doing something! And you are going to be in your 40's for some time so I have no doubt that you will be 40's and fabulous!

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PELESJEWEL 8/18/2011 8:48PM

    Great blog Gwen. I can totally relate. I'm not where I want to be either. Lots of life happened between Oct - June and I'm just now getting back to Sparking. I like all the encouraging words from those who responded to your post and in the end, it really comes down to us, doesn't it? I think it comes down to believing that we are worth the life we desire and if we do, it is that belief that will keep us going no matter what. My motto for August is "Keep On Going". I said that to myself a lot this month. You know what to do, pick yourself up, and just keep going like you haven't missed a beat. BELIEVE!

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HIPPICHICK1 8/15/2011 1:21PM

    You have failed at nothing, my dear. Don't look to the future to measure your success. Look at your weight ticker and see what you have already done!
Often times we plan so much for our future that we forget about living in the present.
I wanted to be at goal by the time I was 49, yet here I am 50 and a half and still not at goal. So what? Am I healthier now than before? YES! Am I going to quit just because I didn't make my imaginary deadline? NO! Am I going to keep going because being healthy is the best possible choice? YES!!!
And so are you. Right? RIGHT?!
C'mon! Let me hear you say how emoticon you really are!!

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KINSBAILE 8/11/2011 4:37PM

    40 is awesome! 40 is change and opportunity which makes it and you indeed FABULOUS!

It's only the beginning. :)

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JELLAJIGGLES 8/7/2011 5:49PM

    Okay, so maybe you aren't who you want to be. Alright then, sit down and make a list of who you want to be. Then get your pen and start checking stuff off, as you do them.

Beating yourself up is NOT on the list. So stop trying to check that one off.

Comment edited on: 8/7/2011 5:52:43 PM

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TEENY_BIKINI 8/7/2011 4:50PM

    But you are fabulous, sweet pea. And it has nothing to do with numbers. Not your birth date. Not your weight. Not anything but all of the amazing stuff that is inside you.

There is so much amazing in you. That is what makes you fabulous.

If I forget, happy birthday. Oh, let's just celebrate anyway...


Hugs. Battle on, sweetness. You can do it.

Comment edited on: 8/7/2011 4:51:02 PM

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MARGE1215 8/7/2011 1:14PM

    Don't be sad!! You can be in your best shape at 40! You've lost so much weight with SP so far, and there is no reason to stop, or even look back!! You can reach every goal you desire!
I know that birthdays can be hard. Hard reminders of where you wish you could be or who you miss. But they should also be celebrations! You're going to be 40, and healthier that you were at 38 or 39, and it's only going to get better!
Keep your chin up!

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ABB698 8/7/2011 12:31AM

    You are wrong Gwen! You are fabulous! emoticon

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LILHOBBIT29 8/4/2011 5:51PM

    Gwenaaaaaaeeeeeeeel!! Who says you aint fabulous??! Honey your doing so well and your so much healthier, your loving your body and taking care of it!! Yes it maybe that u have a long way to go still, but its FABULOUS that your on the right path! Its FABULOUS that you can workout the way you do. Its FABULOUS that you have made so many friends all across the globe on SP. Its FABULOUS that you help these friends out and pull them outta their blues! Its FABULOUS that you have clothes in the cupboard that are now kinda loose and dont fit as well. Its FABULOUS that your dreaming of and looking forward to wearing newer, smaller clothes!!
Its FABULOUS that so many people love you and have replied to this post despite your being MIA for some time...!!

You, my dear lady, ARE "Forty (almost) and FABULOUS" !! :D

Its sooo good to have you back! :)


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SPOKENWORD 8/4/2011 4:57PM

    Woohoo! You're back! Missed you! Let's take it one day at a time! Just keep reading all these encouraging post and stick with it! Remember what was stated earlier, no magical numbers! Just keep it moving! One day at a time! Just keep posting and we will keep commenting! Welcome Back!!


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    Time to recommit and look at Christmas I reckon.

When your choice is to either to sit at your current weight or even gain


Lose weight - it's not really choice right?

I hate that feeling of failure when you have a date in mind that you don't meet and as it looms closer your realise you have blown it - for me it's Christmas pretty much EVERY year when I see the family.

But we're all here to pick you up, dust you off and get you on the treadmill!


I KNOW it!


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LIV2RIDE 8/3/2011 5:08PM

    Well you have a choice. You can beat yourself up or pick yourself up. Let your friends of Spark lift you up and help boost your spirits. You can make changes if you choose to. Choose to turn this around and make 40 your best year yet. Choose to make one healthy choice at a time. emoticon and we are all here to support you. Look at all of these wonderful comments. the number on the scale isn't who you are. Just take it one day at a time.

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NISSANGIRL 8/3/2011 3:29PM

    I think You are fabulous Gwen! You look great and I know that this year you will "MAKE IT HAPPEN"! Have a Great night! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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    40 is the best thing that's happened to me. It wasn't UNTIL I was 40 that I began to take the best care of me and get a shot at being happy. This is gonna be the best year yet! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TAMTAMM 8/3/2011 10:01AM

    What are you talking about?????

Your sooo Fabulous!!!

Remember it just a number.


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WALKWITME 8/3/2011 9:28AM

    There is NO Time Limit

You do YOU! at any age

Don't sell yourself short about what is expected at 40

I'm 50 and still pushing Onward ! and Fab !

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WE_PA_FIT 8/3/2011 9:21AM

    who says you have to be FAB by 40? And who says you aren't FAB already? You don't need a special deadline either. THis is a journey not a destination. one day at a time, one step at a time..... emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WOWEETOO 8/3/2011 5:28AM

    well you are back on the wagon and we are sure glad to see you..hope you bought some really heavy duty velcro because there are several on here that have buffed the wagon slats with beeswax..sometimes they get really slick for sure don't feel like a knoow to come back and you did..that my friend is NOT failure
anyway welcome back
the lady mary posseing through on the ever faithful camel clyde enroute to the oracle at delphi

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ME_HERE_NOW 8/3/2011 2:59AM

    you are so far ahead of where you once were, and isn't that a WIN in itself? you are far more mobile & aware than many people your age. no one has it all together, you are a work in progress, keep at it friend!

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YOURJONES 8/3/2011 12:21AM

    I've missed you Gwen! You SO deserve to be here! That's the beauty of Spark! Stick with us girl!

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WATREKKIE 8/2/2011 11:02PM

    NOT failed....go ahead and shout "40 and workin' on making it better!!"

If my DH is right and "2 steps forward, 1 step back" truly IS the dance of life, at least we're still making progress.

Hang in there, sweetie!!! If you're like me, you're in a better spot than you USED to be, and that, my dear, is forward movement.....

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CALADRIANA 8/2/2011 10:38PM

    Ive missed you A LOT too! We can do this together. Life happens stress happens but you can get back up and say im going to do this! Think of alll the things you have done and how far you have come. Gwen you are an amazing person with a huge heart and a great light to shine and share. We are all here for you. I just had my birthday too and it was not what i wanted at all. Im only a few years away from 40. You just have to keep reaching for those goals. KNow you have friends, the universe, the Goddess and God and Spirit who love and support you. I believe in you. Please pm me or post on my page ANYTIME! you need! Im here for you.

Much love light and Blessings
Caladriana emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SAGE150 8/2/2011 9:32PM

    I think it's important to make a list of things that you've accomplished, not just list the things in your head that you feel like you haven't accomplished or have failed to accomplished. "Failed" is a powerful and defeating word. I prefer the phrase "haven't done yet." :)

I think everybody feels disappointed in their life journey for one reason or another. There are so many things we want to be, so many qualities we want to have as human beings and we are never satisfied with enough.

I understand the mood thing. I go through different ones quite often unfortunately. Well, I suppose that means life is never boring or so I like to tell people. The month of your birthday and your mood will pass and so, too, will the opportunity for you to choose--if you are able--to turn things around. When birthdays started depressing me because I was disappointed in how my life turned out, I started celebrating my birthday for the entirety of my birthday month, all January long. It made me realize that the day I was born really WAS something to celebrate and so is who I am as a person, regardless of where I think I am or should be in my life's journey.

Celebra amiga. Eres una person re-linda. Celebráte. Estoy mandándote un montón de besos.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Sage :)

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LESSISMORE2010 8/2/2011 9:22PM

    You haven't failed, you're still here. And we're all still here to support you.

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SHERLYN-WILL 8/2/2011 8:58PM

    Another question... How in the heck to you mean you FAILED.... I don't see what you have accomplished as FAILING.... not in my book at least!

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SHERLYN-WILL 8/2/2011 8:56PM

    I am so glad you blogged! I have just gotten back on spark for about a week.. and still not spending the time I used to spend on here....

My mom has been so sick since April and life's priorities changed.

I gained 20 lbs since then.. plus I had already gained before then..

I do feel like I am kinda starting over but I have come to "TERMS" with that because it beats the heck out of the alternative of NOT getting it back off and probably.. the other reality of "KEEPIN on gaining".... which would probably be what REALLY did happen....

SO here I am down 5 in a week.... and feeling a million times better..

TELL me... what has been going on with you!

Sparkmail me... please... I REALLY do CARE!!!!

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JICASMOM 8/2/2011 8:50PM

    You belong here as much as I do... Or any of us for that matter... You have been thru a lot with your family (grandmother) and other things... 40 will be fabulous no matter what! You can do it.

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BOSOXGYRL33 8/2/2011 8:16PM

    You have the right to be here! I want you here! Friday will be my big 3-5 birthday. I am to the point that I don't care how old I get. I am happy to be here and I intend on being here for a lot longer. That is why I joined this site. To make myself happier and healthier and to be here a lot longer then I would have if I would have kept up my old habits. I have decided that every wrinkle and grey hair that I get I have earned and I will show them all with pride. I am here for you and I will still be here for you when you are ready.

emoticon emoticon

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NTSOHLTHNT 8/2/2011 7:45PM

    You are crazy to think that you don't have the right to be here! You of all people have more right than anyone, and I missed you very much. So you didn't meet the fabulous goal for your 40th birthday this year, but there are 364 more days in that year. How about if we work together and meet that fabulous looking (because you are fabulous in every other way already) goal while you're still 40? I'm glad you're back-please stay
emoticon Love & emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 8/2/2011 7:46:47 PM

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LJR4HEALTH 8/2/2011 7:45PM

    Hey Gwen I know where you are coming from though mine wasn't "40 and fabulous" Mine was to be "Fit & healthy @ 50" I was hoping for my goal weight but didn't hit it till almost 6 months later. It's okay not to have it as a birthday present You will get there Hang in there emoticon emoticon


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