Tuesday, August 02, 2011
I want so badly to lose weight but I just fall short in my endeavors constantly. I'm not sure why. I know I am a perfectionist. So what happens is, I eat really well for awhile but I don't lose any weight or very little. Then I have pms and start to feel anxious and emotional and then I binge eat. So, not only do I undo the good I've just done, but I also add a little more weight. It is a vicious, ugly, and very depressing cycle. I'm not really sure how to get out of it.
But if there is one thing I've learned from being on Spark now for several years, it is the importance of exercise. The thing is I often feel too exhausted mentally and physically to even try to exercise. I decided to start with just a little bit. Two weeks ago I started my stretches again and began riding my stationary bike. Plus I love to swim and have a pool. With my fibromyalgia, if I over do exercise I suffer the consequences so I tried to start out very gently. I just started my 3rd week of exercise.....up to 25 minutes on the bike and 35 minutes of laps in the pool. They are modified laps. I use a noodle for my arms and just kick so as not to aggravate the fibro. I'm very proud that I have stuck with this now for over two weeks. I need to focus on this accomplishment because I weighed myself today and I am 9 pounds more than I was 6 months ago.
Yesterday I started tracking my food again. So hopefully with tracking food, exercising, and blogging about how I'm doing, I will be able to stick with this longer. I would like to use the blog to gauge my emotions and self-soothe with writing about them rather than feeding them. Do you think I can do this? I hope so because I hate myself. So much for the title of my Spark page, Love Who You Are.