It's one AM EST right now and I should be sleeping because I'm heading up to Vermont tomorrow to look at an apartment/ hopefully sign the lease if i'm lucky. But instead, I'm feverishly surfing the net, listening to Coeur de Pirate and text messaging.
Life in CT (albeit rare) throws me for a loop for some reason. There's plenty of reasons I never come here, but I'm trying to make the best of it. Hopefully it's only a few more days that I'll be getting my things in order, moving back up to VT as soon as I land an apartment and doing my grad residency next week either way. I'm the kind of person who needs to be doing five things at once to feel balanced, so relaxing is kind of hard, especially after a summer like the one I've had so far. I feel purposeless right now, so I am trying to consume myself with things to do.
In that vein, I registered tonight for an Ironman 70.3 that is scheduled for next June 3, 2012!!!!!!!! I almost can't believe myself haha. Especially since I always said I'd never do a triathalon, and here I am doing the epitome of triathalons. The Ironman 70.3 is the half ironman - so 1.2 mile swim, followed by 56 mile bike (easy peasy after this summer haha) and a 13.1 half mara. I dont know though... all these events I have done so far have sort of come along at serendipitous times... maybe it's impulsivity, but the marathons, bike and build, now the half-iron all felt like they were striking me in the right moments, and i have worked my way up consecutively to each one. This feels like the next step. The next challenge.
Something I realized about myself in reflection is that in the past couple years, having an event to work toward and prepare for, helped keep me focused and on track in some respects. A tangible piece of the future makes me feel more grounded, like the future isn't just one giant abyss of uncertainty. I don't know if I'm explaining it well enough, but this mentality or psychology for me is almost more important than the event itself. So I think that was a part in why I decided to sign up now for the half-iron. The thought of something almost a year away feels good too, like I could lose the last of the weight I want to lose in that time, I could really seize the opportunity to really improve my running and get my body in a place where I could finish an event like this in an average amount of time. My goal now that I have proved to myself I can do these types of things at all, is now to prove to myself that i can raise the bar and work hard to not be the last one finishing. I want to be middle of the pack. It's like the process of identity realization. First disbelief. Then acceptance. Then pride. Then synthesis. I'm ready to start synthesizing now - synthesizing into a stage where I am entering maintenance soonish, where I am blending in with other athletes, where I am moving into the next level of what I am capable of.
Also check out what happened with this shirt from the middle photo and the current photo on the right. It always seems unbelievable when your body actually shrinks in weight loss, but it is real! I feel good these days! I can only wait to see what the future will bring :D and that is a good feeling.