Sunday, July 31, 2011
My name is Janet. I have been a member of Sparkpeople for 2 months now. I lost my dear 21 year old son, Michael, to suicide January 3rd, 2007. Our lives have been changed forever. My husband and I have two boys, one living and one no longer with us.
Michael was there for everyone except himself. He fell into a deep and deadly depression when he and his first girlfriend had a break up. This was the "straw"; Mike struggled to understand people and life and those who knew him loved him. He was generous, funny, and smart, but somehow felt at odds with the world. Our Michael hid his pain well. He didn't want to burden anyone and he was too young to understand the devastation his action would create.
Its been a long haul for his father, myself and his older brother who was his best friend. Michael left two books of poetry which he seemed to write as a way of getting the bad feelings out. We had no idea that he wrote poetry or that he wrote so beautifully! We miss him terribly but know we have to start taking care of ourselves for the sake of our older son.
I was off work after his death for 2 and a half years, and all aspects of my life came to a hault. I have gained 60 lbs over the past four years and it is just now that I have the energy to attend to getting back in shape. I have been back at work for a year now at three days a week.
The pain remains but Michael wrote that he was sure we would meet "to dine together again" and he asked that we live our lives well... and so I will do so now that I am ready ... for myself, my family, and for Michael.