Friday, July 29, 2011
I have no idea what's going on with my body, but I'm getting pretty frustrated. Three weeks ago I weighed in at 133.5. Today I'm at 138.5. I've been overeating, but not by that much. I figured two pounds maybe, but FIVE pounds? My clothes are fitting pretty much the same though, maybe slightly tighter, but not five pounds worth, so I just don't really get it.
Either way, I took it as a sign that I need to start tracking my food again, so I've been doing that. I also decided that I want 125 to be my goal. I'm comfortable around 130, but I want to give myself some room for weight fluctuations where I can still be comfortable. 125 gives me that.
Also, my cycle is all screwed up. They're usually 28-30 days. My last one was 54 days. Now I'm at 40 days and have no idea when AF will start. I do wonder if I'm PMSing though and that's why I'm up (I always gain before). I just don't know. I hate not knowing.
I'm pretty sure I'm reacting to something in my diet. I'm almost positive it's the cocoa powder I've been having every night (I mix it with coconut oil and a bit of splenda and pour it over my banana soft serve - magic shell). I have a pretty strong emotional reaction to the thought of removing it, so it's almost certain that it's a culprit. Plus, I've been sleeping really horribly. I've been telling myself I'm going to cut it out to see how I feel, but then I don't. It HAS to go. I'm going to cut it out today. I just have to get through the first week or so and then I'll be fine not having it.
I wonder if I'll ever get this all figured out. I've been off a lot of foods for so long that I don't even miss them anymore. It's pretty normal to me the way I eat now. Hopefully there will be a day when I don't miss chocolate anymore either. Or that I can heal enough to eventually add everything back in (except for the sugar, it's gone for good).