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    GOTHICLOLLIPOP   9,429
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$@%!# anxiety!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

I'm possibly on the verge of having a full on anxiety attack today. Yay! (Sorry, that's just me becoming slightly hysteric...)

It started while I was getting ready to go to work (I work in the afternoon, so it was about 12:30). I think it suddenly hit me that I only have about 2 weeks before I move I leave my job here and move to Richardson to go to school (Richardson is just North of Dallas, and where the University of Texas at Dallas is technically located, for those who don't know North Texas).

I just have to tell myself that this is really nothing I haven't done before. I have lived in an apartment by myself before, I have attended classes at a large university before (at the University of North Texas in Denton), and I have had to look for a new job before. Besides, it's just a workstudy job I'm going for, and with my work experience, I shouldn't have any problem getting one (although it will involve going on interviews, which I dread, but who doesn't dread them?).

I think I've just gotten way too comfortable with the way things are, but I know that is exactly why I have to make this change. I can't live with my parents and work a part time job forever, even if it does pay fairly well and has a lot of job security, and if I hang around long enough I might even be able to get a full time position, which in this economy...

emoticon No! I am not going to sell myself short, dang it. I'm too smart, I have too much potential to waste away in a place like Weatherford, Texas.

Besides, if I do want to come back, maybe I will be able to come back after I finish school and get a better position. Maybe after I eventually get my masters, I could even score a job as an instructor. I should still have a foot in the door here, and hopefully by the time I'm out of school, the hiring freeze will be off...

It is a bit scary, leaving your job voluntarily when you know there's a hiring freeze on at the place you work and you wouldn't be able to come back if you wanted to, at least not anytime soon ^_^;; Anyway, it doesn't matter. I really can't see myself continuing on this way; I'm much too ambitious for that. I'll just have to take my chances. So $@%!# anxiety!

Easier said than done however. While I may be able to pep talk myself out of having a full blown anxiety attack, right now there's still part of me that's screaming, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU NUTS?"

Maybe I need to eat something. I don't want to start consoling myself with food again (I've actually been over that one for quite a while), but it could be that I could do with a little boost in my blood sugar right now. I've got some Greek yogurt in the fridge...

Okay, I think that's it for my little rant. For now, anyway ^_^;;
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SLIMLILA 7/28/2011 1:42AM

    Any big change in our lives can cause anxiety. I left work on stress leave in on May 20 and they laid me of on June 1, when I returned to the community like 3 weeks later, I called the boss and just talking to him I had a horrible anxiety attack... hadn't had one in years, forgot how bad they were...

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MIRDREAMS 7/27/2011 8:06PM

    I hope the yogurt helped! It's amazing how often I feel totally crappy then realize that I haven't given my body enough fuel. It sounds like you're making big changes but they're all super positive ones. You're not nuts, you're brave.

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